


I Can See us (Lost in the Memory)

by AngryAlpaca04



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, He’s still a homophobic bitch, I hate Dave Goodkind, Shelby is a top and you can't convince me otherwise, Slow Burn, Toni is a bottom, Toni is a hot basketball player, she's also a softie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:55:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29707146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngryAlpaca04/pseuds/AngryAlpaca04
Summary: "I thought you hated me,” Shelby joked, turning her gaze towards Toni.“I never hated you Shelby,” Toni stated, a little more serious than she intended.“Sure seemed like you did.”“I know.” Toni paused. “I didn’t hate you, just the idea of you I created in my mind I guess. There’s a lot more to you than meets the eye you know.”ORYet another high school AU where Shelby and Toni go from enemies to lovers, until it all goes downhill when Shelby's parents find out.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 37
Kudos: 239





	1. Thanks for nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome welcome, glad to have you all here!  
> I'll keep this short and sweet, here's the first chapter of my The Wilds high school au. Get ready for a wild ride and we'll see where this takes us!  
> I'd love to hear your input on anything and everything, and feel free drop some suggestions of things you'd like to see:)  
> Now that that's out of the way, enjoy the first chapter
> 
> Title from august by Taylor Swift

Toni and Martha walked through the gates of Fort Travis Highschool. 

“Feels good to be back, Toni,” Martha remarked to Toni as they leaned up against their lockers. 

Toni chuckled in response, “I can already tell junior year is gonna kick my ass, and I cannot handle another year of being in class with-” Before Toni could finish, she was interrupted by the perky voice of an all familiar blonde. 

“Hey Martha! So great to see you again!” Shelby exclaimed, her voice thick with her southern accent which Toni found to be, in it of itself, annoying. Of course, she bore her famous pageant smile she was always seen sporting in public. 

No one can be THIS happy all the time, Toni thought to herself. She faced herself away from Shelby and instead became very interested in the books in her locker, not that Toni used her books much anyways. 

“Shelby! Great to see you too,” Martha responded, equally excited. “Maybe we have some classes together, I hope to see you around!” 

“I hope so too, I’ve been dying to take this new photography class-,” Toni slammed her locker shut, a little harder than she intended but still it was enough to get the point across. Martha shot her a glare. 

“Toni.” Shelby acknowledged her, her accent a little more pronounced and fake. She eyed the brunette up and down. She turned to Martha much more enthusiastically, “Hope to see you around!” As the blonde turned and walked away, Martha carefully closed her locker and turned to Toni. 

“Toni, she’s really not that bad. You just gotta give her a chance,” Martha pleaded. Toni scoffed and turned her gaze to the floor, fidgeting with the bracelet on her wrist. 

“Come on Marty, I tried. No one is that happy all the time. How do you expect me to put up with that?” Martha gave her a small laugh and playfully punched her in the arm. 

“Just because you are a little fiery ball of rage doesn’t mean everybody has to be one,” Martha joked as she turned away, heading to her first class. “See you after first period, Toni.” 

Toni chuckled. Martha always did have a way of cheering her up, even after Shelby’s presence but a damper on her mood. “Bye Marty.” 

The first bell rang, and Toni headed to her first period, not bothering to take her books out of her locker. ‘Books are for losers,’ she recalls telling Martha. 

Walking through the doors of her algebra class, Toni spotted the perfect ponytail, which could only belong to the pageant queen herself, Shelby Fucking Goodkind. You have got to be kidding me, she thought to herself. 

Toni’s teacher looked up from his desk and noticed her walk in, “Toni, so nice of you to finally join us. Why don’t you take a seat?” The teacher, Mr. Wilson, gestured to the only available seat, a table with an open chair, right next to Shelby. 

As if just having her in the same class isn’t enough, now I have to sit next to her? Shelby turned her head around and offered Toni her signature smile. In return Toni lifted her hand in greeting and mustered what small semblance of a smile she could, though her response radiated her annoyance. This was going to be a long semester for her. 

Placing her bag next to the open seat next to Shelby and sitting down, Toni drew a pencil and a piece of paper out of her backpack, the bare minimum for class. Martha always complained about her lack of school supplies, but Toni always argued she only ever needed a pencil and paper for class since she never took many notes anyways. Toni’s attention wandered to the blonde sitting next to her, already furiously copying the first day instructions on the board: class rules, midterm dates, expectations, etcetera. Toni scoffed. 

“You know, princess, you don’t have to copy down everything you see on the board,” Toni remarked sarcastically. If she had to spend the whole semester sitting next to Shelby, she would at least have some fun getting under her skin. 

Shelby put on her fake smile in response, and turned to Toni, eyeing her up and down. “Some of us actually want to pass this class,” Shelby huffed, condescendingly looking at Toni’s pencil and blank sheet of paper as she pulled out a package of rainbow-colored pens, obviously for taking color coordinated notes. Toni rolled her eyes. 

“Some of us don’t need 50 different colored pens to pass this class,” Toni countered with a smirk, mocking her accent slightly. Their never-ending rivalry began before Toni could even remember, back in the days of elementary school. However, Toni never failed to think of new reasons to dislike her every day. Shelby’s fake attitude and overemphasized southern accent set her off the most; someone acting this perfect all the time in public had to be hiding some pretty fucked up shit deep down. Not to mention her overbearing and obviously homophobic boyfriend Andrew, who had at multiple occasions made his opinions abundantly clear to Toni. Each time someone had to hold her back to prevent her from throwing a punch. 

As Mr. Wilson explained his expectations for the class, Shelby carefully wrote down nearly every word, color coordinated of course, just as Toni predicted. They sat in relative silence, neither wanting to interact with the other unless they absolutely had to. When the teacher asked them to take out their books, Shelby scoffed at Toni when she learned she left her book in her locker on purpose. 

“Not gonna pass the class like that,” Shelby smirked. 

“Fuck off,” Toni replied. Mr. Wilson noticed Toni forgot her book as well, and asked Shelby to share with her, to which she overenthusiastically obliged. 

What a teacher’s pet, Toni thought to herself as Shelby shifted the book to the center of the table, placing it within both of their reaches. The rest of the class Toni bothered Shelby in any way she could, flipping pages when she was in the middle of reading, moving the book out of her reach, and even closing it on her fingers a couple times. 

“Hey!” Shelby huffed at her, quiet enough so the teacher wouldn’t hear her but loud enough to convey her annoyance to Toni. 

“Sorry princess, thought you were done with it,” Toni smirked. Not often was Toni able to elicit such a response from her, usually Shelby did the good Christian thing of ignoring Toni’s obvious attempts at getting a rise out of her, but after a half hour of her antics, Shelby was finished. 

Shelby huffed in response. “You’re lucky I even let you use the book, you really should come to class prepared next time.” 

The dismissal bell rang, and all the students quickly rose from of their seats, eager to leave the boring class. Martha stood by the door waiting for Toni, and who was that behind her? Andrew, the last person Toni wanted to see. 

She wasn’t sure why he bothered her so much, maybe it was the obvious homophobic remarks or his combed hair that paired perfectly with Shelby’s immaculate ponytail. God, why was she thinking about Shelby again? 

Maybe it was the fact that Andrew acted like such a womanizer, keeping Shelby glued to his sides just so he could show her off to his equally snobby friends. All of them of good, Christian values of course. Little did Shelby know Andrew was getting it on the side from god knows how many other girls, and she seemed to be the only one oblivious to the fact, too. 

After school, Toni was eager to find Martha again, unfortunately not sharing any classes together so their only time to hang out was during lunch. Even Shelby had a class with Martha, photography, which Toni learned after she inquired about Martha’s schedule. Not that she would stoop as low as to be jealous of Shelby, but Toni still wished she shared a class with her best friend. 

“Hey Marty B,” Toni whooped as she approached the car they drove to school together in. Martha was already sitting parked in the driver’s seat, and she rolled down the window as she saw Toni approaching. 

“You survive algebra with Shelby?” Martha joked, and Toni leaned over the open window. 

“Hah, barely. I can’t believe her sometimes.” 

Martha shot her a knowing look. “Come one, just give her a chance,” Martha almost laughed. They both knew that wasn’t going to happen, but as long as Toni’s rivalry with Shelby didn’t turn into outright violence, Martha would be fine. 

Toni rolled her eyes and chuckled in response, “I’ll catch you after practice Marty.” Martha waved and rolled away in her car, and Toni was just excited to be back at practice. 

Toni hoped she would be a candidate for this years’ team captain, and her performance during their first practice of the season gave her the confidence she would be. She was dribbling circles around her teammates, dropping three’s like it was nothing, and not to mention she didn’t miss a single layup during practice. Toni sunk another three pointer with ease and chuckled to herself. 

I got this in the bag, she thought to herself. 

At the end of practice, Toni’s teammates headed to the locker room to shower, however Coach Michelle wanted to talk to her. 

“Yo Shalifoe, you coming?” Her teammate Fatin called out, motioning to the locker rooms. 

“Nah, I gotta talk to coach, I’ll see y’all later though,” 

Fatin whooped in response and offered her a sly smile. “You know what this means,” Fatin called with a wink. 

“Hey, a girl can dream,” Toni responded, walking backwards away from the locker rooms. Hopefully this is coach telling me I’ll be captain. Toni and Fatin both knew she would be crowned captain, it was all Toni talked about during summer, after all. She even managed to drag Fatin out of bed every morning for extra practice to stay conditioned. 

“Shalifoe, hurry on in here,” Coach Michelle called from her office. Toni walked up to the doorway excitedly and took a seat after acknowledging her coach. 

Coach Michelle clasped her hands together and began, “As you know, we’re in need of a new team captain after Marcie graduated last year.” She paused, and Toni sat in her chair eagerly. 

“Are you asking what I think you are?” Toni questioned. Coach Michelle nodded. 

“Indeed I am.” Toni felt a smile creep up on her face. She might have had an intimidating reputation to uphold, but she couldn’t help herself. “Look, I know you’re only a junior,” the coach continued, “but you’re the best this team has. Don’t tell anyone I said that though,” she said jokingly. Toni held her hands up in feigned innocence. 

It finally happened; Toni was finally captain. All her hard work the previous years and during summer paid off. 

“Thank you coach, I promise I won’t let you down.” And with that, Toni left the office and rejoined her teammates in the locker room.


	2. Maybe she's not so bad after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter, hope you enjoyed the first one! I have more chapters on the way, and I will probably post them this weekend. As always, feel free to leave suggestions for things you'd like to see in upcoming chapters

“Are you kidding me? Does it have to be her?” Toni was annoyed, beyond annoyed actually. She didn’t need any more of the blonde in her life. 

“Toni, it’s fine, it couldn’t be that bad,” Martha consoled. With her newly appointed position as team captain, Toni was designated her own page in the yearbook, and as a member of the photography class, Shelby was more than happy to capture photos of her at games and during practice, along with asking her a set of interview questions. Why did she have to be so nice? Teacher’s pet. 

“Ugh she’s so annoying though, I have to put up with her enough in algebra already!” And it was true, too. Toni had more than her fill of dealing with Shelby during their time in class. Obviously pestering her every five minutes almost made up for it, but Toni still tried to avoid her as much as possible. 

Martha shot her a look with a smile. “Come on, she’s actually pretty nice once you get to know her.” 

“Fine, but I can’t promise both of us are going to make it out of this interview alive, and if she cheers too much at my game I’m chucking a ball at her,” Toni called across the hallway as Martha started walking towards her classes. 

Toni walked towards her first period with a little less enthusiasm, not overly eager to sit next to Shelby for the next hour. That seemed not to be the case with Shelby, though. 

As Toni walked into the classroom and set her bag next to her seat, Shelby automatically turned to her. 

“So,” she began eagerly, “When’s your next game?” 

How did she have so much energy in the mornings already? 

“Isn’t it your job to know these things, for yearbook and all that?” Toni scoffed. 

“That is why I’m asking.” Shelby’s pageant smile and southern accent seemed more pronounced this morning, much to Toni’s annoyance. 

Toni rolled her eyes. “Fine. It’s this Friday. Six o’clock. Don’t be late.” 

“Relax Shalifoe, if anyone’s going to be late it’s you,” Shelby chuckled. 

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” After a second thought Toni knew exactly what it meant, after all she had barely been on time to school the past couple days. “Never mind,” she shook her head, before giving the blonde a chance at a snarky reaction. 

Class proceeded as usual. Toni didn’t bother bringing her book to class, even though she knew they would use it, rather counting on the fact that Shelby shared her book with her every day. Maybe the blonde wasn’t that bad. 

Snap out of it, Shalifoe. 

Toni returned her attention to the book, focusing on a series of equations she probably should have been writing down, at least, Shelby was writing them down. Instead Toni elected to watch her write; the perfectly slanted letters of her notes imbued the pages. She dotted her I’s with hearts and scattered perfect little thought bubbles around the page with equations and formulas. Toni never really wrote notes, especially not like Shelby’s. Why waste time on something you’re never going to use again? 

“Toni?” the blonde called out her name, but it didn’t seem that she heard her. 

“Toni,” Shelby called again, a little louder this time but still quiet enough as to not garner the attention of Mr. Wilson. 

“Huh?” Toni snapped back to reality. “What?” It was less of a question and more of a statement of annoyance. 

“Can I turn the page?” Shelby asked, gesturing to the book. Toni wasn’t even paying attention to it anymore, but she still wouldn’t pass up the opportunity the annoy Shelby. 

“No, I’m still looking at this.” 

“Fine, hurry up though, I’m actually trying to keep up in class,” Shelby retorted. 

Another minute passed with Toni staring mindlessly at the book, fiddling with the corner of the page closest to her. 

“Are you almost done?” Shelby huffed. The blonde didn’t often grow impatient with Toni, usually she had a much higher tolerance for her daily antics. 

“Geez, who pissed in your holy water today,” Toni grumbled, reluctantly letting Shelby turn the page. 

“That’s not funny.” 

“I thought it was pretty funny,” Toni said with a smirk. Maybe she did get under Shelby’s skin. 

Shelby let out a sigh. 

“If you must know, it’s been a pretty long day.” 

Toni rolled her eyes at that. “What, did Daddy not buy you the new Range Rover?” She mocked. 

“I’m serious Toni.” Shelby flipped her notebook over with enough force she almost ripped a page, luckily not making a sound loud enough to alert anyone of their arguing. To be fair, Shelby did sound serious, but Toni didn’t do serious with Shelby. 

“Cut the shit Shelby, I bet you go home to your perfect little family every day. What could be so hard about your life?” Toni knew she was about to strike a nerve if she kept pushing. That was exactly what she was aiming for. 

“Just leave me alone Toni, I don’t have time to deal with this.” Shelby slammed her book shut and walked out of class. Huh, didn’t think that would happen. 

Toni didn’t see Shelby for the rest of the day, not even her getting a little too touchy with Andrew in the hallways or sucking up to the teachers with that overly enthusiastic smile of hers. Has Shelby even skipped class before? Not that Toni can recall. Martha even told her that Shelby wasn’t back for fourth period photography class yet, so she had been gone for most of the day. 

“Oh come on Marty, it wasn’t my fault.” The final bell of the day just rung as Toni opened her locker to get her gear for practice out. Martha shot her a look. 

“It was definitely your fault. Can you at least try to be nice to people?” Martha pleaded. 

“Shelby is not people. Shelby is a demon sent from hell just to test my patience.” Martha pulled the remaining books out of her locker as she stuffed her camera away. 

“Come one, that’s not fair. What has she ever done to you?” That was a good question, other than her ‘all too perfect’ smile and annoying accent (which, come on, they were living in Texas, everybody had an accent), Shelby hadn’t really done anything wrong. 

What about Andrew? There, that was another excuse to dislike Shelby. Her handsy misogynistic boyfriend provided enough reasons to hate the both of them. How could a decent person even hang around someone like that? Surely there was a good reason… 

After a grueling day at basketball practice, Toni was spent. Endless sets of suicides up and down the court for what felt like an eternity completely drained her energy, and that of her teammates too. Sitting in the locker room untying her shoes, Fatin and a few of her other teammates began planning a party for after their game on Friday. 

“Toni you in? Free alcohol,” Fatin chimed, sitting down on the bench next to her teammate. 

Toni chuckled. “You had me at alcohol.” 

It had been a while since Toni had gone to a party, not since the beginning of summer. Since then she had been busy with summer conditioning and didn’t want to deal with waking up hungover every weekend. Now, it turns out this party was just what Toni needed. 

A perfect start to their season, the Fort Travis Tigers nailed their first game, beating their cross-town rivals by over 20 points. Shelby’s presence didn’t bother Toni as much as it normally would have, maybe the blonde was growing on her. Not that Toni would admit that though, instead she decided her lack of malice towards Shelby was due to her positive attitude after the huge win. Shelby even took some pretty good action shots of her too, some of her making layups and shooting three’s, others of her stealing the ball and running plays up and down the court. She was team captain for a reason, after all. 

Pulling up to Fatin’s house after the game, Toni could hear the music blasting from around the block. Good thing her parents were gone on a business trip. Martha even agreed to come along, although reluctantly, only after Toni promised she’d do her chores for a week. 

“I’m not staying ‘til 3 in the morning, got that? If you wanna be here forever you’ll have to find your own ride back,” Martha told Toni. Even at a party, she acted like such a mom-friend. 

“Relax, we’re both here for a good time. Maybe we’ll finally get you laid,” Toni jeered, putting her arm around Martha’s shoulder as they walked under the archway above the door. 

Inside the house, music blared, the heavy bass pulsing through them with every beat. In the living room, a beer pong table was already set up teams of jocks on both ends. 

“Martha, Toni!” an enthusiastic voice called, “How kind of you to finally show up!” 

“Shut up Fatin, we got out of the game like a half hour ago,” Toni joked. 

“This one just takes forever to shower,” Martha declared with a laugh, gesturing with her thumb to her best friend beside her. 

“And not for no reason, either.” Fatin playfully punched Toni’s arm. “You stink after our games man!” 

“Hey! Not as bad as you do, anyways,” Toni retorted. She did have to admit she stunk pretty bad after games. 

Martha rolled her eyes playfully. “Come on, let’s go get this one a drink.” 

Fatin led them to the kitchen where she poured the two girls a couple shot, downing another one herself in the process. 

“Woo! Down the hatchet Martha!” Fatin whooped after Martha downed her third shot. “Easy there, tiger.” 

Martha made her way over to the dance floor, swaying to the upbeat music, apparently feeling the buzz of the alcohol. Toni opted for some beer pong in the living room with some members of the boys basketball team, she was competitive, after all. After a couple rounds, she peered through the sea of bodies dancing to the beat of the music, spotting a familiar blonde out back by the pool house. 

Huh, Shelby at a party. Never thought I’d see that, Toni thought to herself. Maybe there was more to that girl than the perfect Christian girl persona she assumed at school. 

After the round of beer pong ended, Toni shuffled her way through the crowd and slid out the back-sliding door in search of Shelby. 

Toni leaned up against the wall next to the blonde. “What are you doing here Shelby, I didn’t peg you as the partying type,” Toni offered. 

“Figured I’d have a little fun while my parents are out of town. Strict curfew,” the blonde answered. Toni nodded in understanding. 

“No Andrew? Figure you two would want to hang out after the game.” 

“He’s on a trip too, visiting his aunt in Virginia,” Shelby answered nonchalantly. 

Toni smirked. “So you admit it’s more fun without him.” Shelby laughed at the remark. 

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” Toni was used to banter with Shelby, heck, sometimes that seemed to be their only form of communication, but this time it seemed different. It wasn’t rude or annoyed, it was playful and light. Flirty, almost. 

Almost. 

Toni chuckled and took another swig of her drink, which at this point, was almost empty again. Shelby grabbed it out of her hand, took the last sip, and motioned back inside, “Come on, let’s get you another one.” 

Toni smiled and gave in, letting Shelby lead her back into the kitchen and concoct another drink mix, arguably stronger than those created by Fatin which says a lot because that girl basically lives off of alcohol. After the first sip, Toni noticed this drink was much stronger than her previous one. 

“Seriously man, are you trying to poison me?” Toni laughed. 

“Gimme that.” Shelby snatched the cup out of her hand, took a long swig, and gave it right back. 

“Come on, it’s not even that bad! I can make it stronger if you’d like.” Both of the girls laughed. 

“I think I’m good with this much Shelby, I’m not trying to be a zombie tomorrow morning,” Toni chuckled. 

“Oh please,” Shelby responded sarcastically. “I see you at school every morning. You’re a zombie before 12 PM everyday anyways.” 

“What? I’m a slow starter,” Toni joked. If she was being honest, she was actually enjoying herself at this party, and with Shelby no less, her former mortal enemy. Apparently Shelby wasn’t too bad, though. 

After finishing her drink, Toni and Shelby made their way to the dance floor, becoming one with the sea of bodies swaying to the beat of the song. 

Time passed, and Martha found Toni laying on a couch in the corner after sipping a few more drinks. Martha plopped down next to her lazily. 

“You have fun tonight with the demon straight from hell?” Martha joked. 

“Shut up,” Toni chuckled. “I guess she’s not actually that bad.” 

“I tried to tell you, you really should listen to me more often.” 

Toni tried to smack her with the throw pillow next to them but ended up hitting the wall instead. The two of them sat there laughing over the incident. 

“It’s almost 1, I’m gonna head home now. You coming?” Martha asked, holding her hand out in invitation. 

“Naw I’m gonna hang back for a while, maybe catch a ride with one of the girls.” 

“Alright, whatever you do, just text me when you’re home safe.” 

“Will do, ‘mom’.” Toni teased. 

With Martha gone and no energy left to get off the couch, Toni was left to her own thoughts. What the heck was going on with Shelby? Toni was pretty convinced that for the last decade of her life they were sworn enemies, but maybe that was all in her head. After all, Shelby made an effort to be kind to her even though Toni only ever treated her like an asshole. And not to mention those gorgeous green eyes of hers that shimmered beside her during class. 

Snap out of it, Shalifoe. Why did Toni’s thoughts always wander back to Shelby? 

As if on cue, Toni noticed the blonde peak out from the sea of people swaying in the middle of the living room. Shelby made her way over to the couch where Toni was seated and took a seat right beside her. 

“You still drunk?” Shelby inquired with a smile. God, Toni loved that smile. 

Toni chuckled. “Just a little. You coming here to check on me?” 

“How’d you guess?” Shelby looked down at her hands, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. “Yeah, Martha texted me to check up on you, figured she trusts enough to not kill each other now.” 

Toni laughed at that once again and repositioned herself on the couch to face Shelby. “I don’t know about that one, I’d watch your back Goodkind,” Toni joked. “Anyways, it’s probably about time I get out of here, its getting pretty late don’t you think?” 

Shelby picked up her phone to check the time, the screen displaying “1:34 AM”. The wallpaper was of her and Andrew, a picture her father took on their one-year anniversary. Shelby would change the wallpaper if she could, but even small actions like that would elicit unwanted questions about her personal life from her father. 

“Come on, I’ll give you a ride,” Shelby offered, standing up from the couch and holding her hand out to help Toni up. She gladly accepted and the two made their way out to Shelby’s car. 

Toni chuckled. “A Range Rover huh? Guess I was right,” Toni joked as she climbed into the passenger seat. 

Shelby rolled her eyes at the comment. “Shut up,” she jeered. “If it makes you feel any better I bought it used with my own money.” 

“You have a job? Didn’t peg you for the working type, Daddy’s money and all,” Toni commented. 

Shelby started the car and replied, “I know, Daddy’s money and all, but I have been saving up.” Shelby sighed. “I’m trying to get out of this place as soon as I can.” Toni sensed a twinge of regret in her voice and decided to not push the subject anymore. 

The rest of the drive proceeded in relative silence, save for the hum of Shelby’s radio and Toni’s occasionally comment on her music choices (mainly Taylor Swift, of course). As they neared the Martha’s house, Toni spoke up again. 

“Shelby?” 

“Hmm?” The blonde answered. 

“Thanks for the ride.” Toni sat up from her slumped position in the passenger seat as they rounded the corner up to Martha’s house. 

The blonde chuckled. “A thank you? I thought you hated me,” Shelby joked, turning her gaze towards Toni. 

“I never hated you Shelby,” Toni stated, a little more serious than she intended. The atmosphere in the car suddenly seemed to change, it became heavier, more vulnerable. 

“Sure seemed like you did.” 

“I know.” Toni paused. “I didn’t hate you, just the idea of you I created in my mind I guess. There’s a lot more to you than meets the eye you know.” 

Shelby smiled bashfully, chuckling to herself, then turned her gaze towards the window, shaking her head. “You have no idea.” 

Toni’s eyebrows raised slightly at that statement. Not defensively, more curiously. Was Shelby hiding something? Usually Toni would have prodded her for more information, but the tone in Shelby’s voice advised her against that. 

The two sat in Martha’s driveway as a comfortable silence settled over them, neither opting to break it. 

“Shelby?” 

“Hmm?” The blonde answered. 

“I was kind of a dick to you in class earlier.” Toni shifted in her seat nervously. “So yeah, that’s my bad… I guess I’m trying to say sorry.” Toni chuckled nervously. Apologies were not her thing, usually her pride and ego prevented her from doing so. Shelby shifted her gaze to the small brunette next to her. 

“Yeah, you kind of were,” Shelby joked. They both laughed. “But I get it, I know you have a lot of stuff going on.” Shelby’s eyes, warm with sympathy, met Toni’s. After a moment Shelby quickly averted her gaze, almost anxiously. 

After a brief moment, Shelby turned back to Toni beside her and chuckled. “You’re just lucky I share my book with you, you’d be failing without it.” 

Toni laughed at the friendly banter. “You might be right, but you like the company though,” she smirked. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Shelby smiled. 

Toni sighed and shifted nervously in her seat and turned to Shelby. “I guess I’ll see you Monday then?” It was more of a question than a statement, almost like Toni was asking to see her on then. 

“Sure thing.” Shelby smiled, then held out her hand, gesturing towards Toni’s phone. “Here,” she started entering her phone number in a new contact, “My number… for yearbook stuff of course.” 

Toni smirked. “Right, of course.” Wow, she just got Shelby’s number, and she didn’t even have to ask for it. 

Toni opened the car door carefully, hopping out and waving goodbye to Shelby as she drove off. 

That was odd. A week ago if you put her in the same car with Shelby neither would have made it out alive. Now, it was almost like they were friends. Toni chuckled to herself. Friends? With Shelby? The supposedly homophobic girl with a douchey boyfriend and that annoying southern accent that somehow became less annoying every day? The one and only. 

Walking inside, Toni peered down at her phone, noticing the new contact name. 

‘Shelby’, followed by a little pink heart. Toni found herself smiling at her phone. 

As Toni laid in her bed staring at the ceiling it grew increasingly difficult for her to ignore the fluttering feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. 

The pageant queen herself, Shelby fucking Goodkind was giving Toni Shalifoe butterflies.


	3. Is this all in my head?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Here's another chapter for the weekend, as promised.  
> Sorry to keep you all waiting, I just wanted to make sure it would be a good one:)  
> As always thanks for reading and I will update as soon as I can

For Toni, Monday couldn’t come soon enough; she couldn’t wait to see Shelby again, not that she would admit that to anyone. Of course, after spending the afternoon together, she eagerly texted her, but over the phone she had to keep it cool. She had a reputation to uphold, after all. By the time Monday morning rolled around, Toni was pacing back and forth in her bedroom indecisive about what to wear. 

“Seriously Toni, you’re going to make us late again. I might just make you walk to school,” Martha called from the bathroom. 

“Relax, I’m almost ready,” Toni responded, struggling to wriggle herself out of the hoodie she slept in. Martha walked in on her little scuffle and chuckled. 

“I have never seen you this worked up over what you’re going to wear to school, what happened to miss hoodie and basketball shorts?” Martha giggled. After finally getting herself out of the hoodie, Toni flipped her off and grabbed a nearby pair of jeans. 

“What, can I not try and look nice at school for once?” 

“Relax,” Martha soothed. “Here, I’m leaving in five minutes so be outside if I’m taking you.” Martha tossed a shirt and flannel at her and walked down the hall to the kitchen. 

After finally settling on her outfit, Toni hastened out of the house in her skinny jeans and t-shirt paired with a flannel overshirt. The outfit really screamed “fuck, I’m gay”, which was obviously Toni’s signature look. 

Martha hurried her into the car, and surprisingly, the pair was able to arrive to class on time. As Toni walked into Mr. Wilson’s room, her eyes scanned the classroom until they fell upon the shimmering blonde hair of Shelby. Almost as if she could sense Toni’s presence, Shelby turned around in her chair and smiled at her. 

This smiled was different than her usual smile, though. It wasn’t fake like the perfect pageant smile she sported to please others; it seemed genuine, and Toni was a little surprised the blonde looked so happy to see her. 

“Hey there,” Shelby called out, her southern accent pronounced as usual, but somehow less annoying. 

“Hey Shelby,” Toni responded warmly. After the party, there was definitely a shift in their dynamic. No longer was Toni constantly at Shelby’s throat for God knows what; now the two seemed to actually get along. 

Sitting down, Toni reached into her backpack and pulled out her usual pencil, and this time she actually brought a notebook with her. Noticing Shelby’s intrigued glance, Toni commented, “Figured I’d take a page out of your book and actually try to learn something in this class.” The blonde chuckled. 

“Still can’t be bothered to bring your own book, can you?” Shelby teased. 

Toni smirked “What? Tired of me already?” Shelby rolled her eyes at her comment. 

Instead of pestering Shelby every five minutes like she normally would, Toni actually paid attention in class. She even asked Shelby for help whenever there was a diagram she didn’t understand or an equation she couldn’t solve. 

“Can you help me with number 19?” Toni asked, looking towards Shelby. 

Shelby turned towards the girl. “Sure, what page is it on?” 

“I’m not sure, you’ll have to flip a couple pages back.” 

Shelby reached for the corner of the far page, and in doing so she lightly brushed up against Toni’s right hand. Her touch seemed to linger a moment longer than necessary before turning the page, causing Toni’s breath to hitch in her throat. Was that a little extra or had Toni just imagined that? 

The rest of the class period passed smoothly, although even with Shelby’s extra help, it ended with Toni remaining utterly confused about the lesson. 

“Why don’t I help you with your homework sometime?” Shelby offered. 

Toni thought for a moment. Ask her this a week ago and she would have called you crazy for thinking she’d say yes. Now, the thought of spending more time with Shelby seemed rather exciting. “What am I, charity work?” Toni joked. 

Shelby rolled her eyes at Toni. “I’m serious, you look like you could use the extra help.” Shelby chuckled. Toni was honestly beginning to enjoy their light-hearted banter. 

“Fine,” Toni relented. “Only if there’s food involved though.” 

“Deal.” 

The next day, Shelby arrived at Toni’s doorstep with her hands full of Takis and Gatorade, eagerly awaiting Toni’s response to the doorbell. Excited as ever, Toni opened the front door, delighted to see the blonde. 

“Takis? How’d you know?” Toni asked, letting the blonde inside. 

Shelby smirked at her. “Inside sources.” Toni laughed at her comment. 

“Oooh, very mysterious,” Toni jeered with mock fear. 

Once again Shelby rolled her eyes at the short brunette standing next to her. “Shut up.” She couldn’t help but smile. 

Toni led Shelby to the kitchen table, and the girl dumped out the contents of her arms. 

“God how many bags of takis did you bring?” Toni asked amused. 

Shelby let out a laugh. “I didn’t know how many to bring so I just brought a ton.” 

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” 

Since Mrs. Blackburn was out running errands and Martha was in her room scrolling through Instagram, the house was relatively quiet save for the girls at the kitchen table. Shelby lead Toni through an array of problems as they munched on Takis, inadvertently getting the red dust over a couple of the pages in the process. 

“Shelby I still don’t know how to do this one,” Toni managed to get out between laughs. The girls didn’t manage to get much work done, instead they were busy talking and joking with each other. 

“Oh come on I just showed- Hey!” Before Shelby could finish, she was cut off by Toni flicking a Taki at her. When it landed straight on her notebook, Toni couldn’t help but snicker. 

“We’re not gonna get any work done if you keep doing that.” Shelby grabbed the bag of Takis out of Toni’s hand, and placed them on the opposite side of her. “There, no more distractions.” 

“Fine,” Toni grumbled. 

As Shelby explained the problem, Toni couldn’t help but get distracted. The light from the open window caused Shelby’s deep green eyes to radiate and glow, not to mention the fact Toni was still caught up on Shelby’s perfect handwriting. It was graceful and elegant, just like the girl next to her. As Shelby swept her long blonde hair out her face, Toni found herself biting her bottom lip and shamelessly staring. 

“Hello? Are you even listening to me?” Toni heard the voice of the blonde next to her and was immediately pulled out of her trance. 

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Toni responded, totally unconvincing. Shelby didn’t buy it, and she rolled her eyes knowingly at the girl. 

“What, I’m just tired!” Toni defended. She noticed a smirk growing across Shelby’s face, almost as if she knew what she was doing. 

“Okay fine, I’m just a little distracted.” 

Shelby smiled once again. “Distracted, huh?” She teased. 

Toni blushed a faint shade of pink at her comment. “Shut up,” Toni rolled her eyes. 

Shelby actually managed to teach Toni the rest of the homework, perfect timing too with their test in a couple days. As time passed, the girls seemed to have shifted closer to each other and Toni wasn’t sure if it was Shelby’s doing or her own. The girls were close enough to each other that their arms were brushing as they shuffled through papers, almost close enough for Toni to feel Shelby’s warm breath on her shoulder exposed by her favorite basketball tank top. 

After a brief interruption from Martha as she wandered into the kitchen for a snack, Toni noticed Shelby suddenly shifted away from her; now they were just within arms lengths of each other. The reaction slightly intrigued Toni, though she decided to let it go and think no further on it. 

Instead, the short brunette finished scribbling some notes and thanked Shelby for helping her with her homework. After Shelby carefully placed her pens and notebooks into her bookbag, Toni walked her out to her car. 

“Thanks for helping me with the homework, I definitely wouldn’t have figured it out on my own,” Toni chuckled nervously. She didn’t usually find herself intimidated by pretty girls, but Shelby seemed to be the exception. 

Shelby smiled at her, not the fake smile she sported at school, but the genuine that Toni had come to love and appreciate, especially when she was the cause of it. “You’re very much welcome,” Shelby beamed, then paused, almost contemplating whether or not to share the next words. “I had a lot of fun today.” 

Toni felt a blush creeping up over her face, and she attempted to hide it but ultimately failed. “I did too, Shelby,” She smiled, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. 

Shelby turned toward her car and reached for the door handle. Looking back, she called, “I’ll see you around then?” 

Toni nodded in response, afraid to speak for she was very much aware of the blush still lingering on her cheeks. Just as Shelby was stepping into her car, Toni interjected, “Wait.” The blonde turned around to face her. “I have another basketball game this Friday, you can come if you want.” Toni averted her gaze sheepishly, electing to stare at her shoes rather than at the girl in front of her. 

Another smile crept up onto Shelby’s face. “I’d love to.” 

Toni watched the girl drive off, wondering what to make of their interactions that day. 

Did Toni like Shelby? Well obviously, they’re supposedly friends now. No, but did she like like Shelby; that was the real question. Toni plopped onto her bed, pondering the matter while throwing a tennis ball in the air and catching it, as she often did when she was nervous. 

Nervous over Shelby, for that matter. 

Fuck, maybe she did like Shelby. 

Toni swatted the possibility away in her mind, reminding herself that this was bible-bashing Christian goody-two-shoes Shelby she was talking about, not some girl she actually had a chance with. 

Come to think of it, Shelby’s demeanor from the afternoon was sending some very mixed messages. More than once they made innocent contact- Toni’s arm grazing against Shelby’s reaching for more Takis, Shelby’s hand brushing against Toni’s reaching to turn the page. Each time it happened, Shelby’s touch lingered a lot longer than it normally would have, Toni noted. 

The girl sat up from her bed, tossing the tennis ball onto her dresser and shaking her head, attempting to rid herself of these thoughts of Shelby. Not that she didn’t like thinking of the blonde, she definitely did, but Toni worried a situation like this would only end up with her hurt, as it always had. 

Nevertheless, Toni found herself staring at her ceiling, impatiently thinking about the next time she would see the blonde. 

Luckily, she didn’t have to wait long to talk to her again; Toni noticed Shelby’s name pop up on her phone. 

Shelby: Hey! You get your homework submitted okay? 

Toni smiled at the message. Fuck, this girl had her smiling at her phone now. She ignored the feeling of stupidity growing in her stomach for being so excited at a simple text and elected to message her back instead. 

Toni: sure did. not that he grades it on time anyways lmao 

Shelby: I know! Still can’t believe he hasn’t graded our last test yet. 

Toni: hah, let’s hope it stays that way for a while, i don’t want to see my grade drop again 

Toni smiled at her phone yet again, the feeling of butterflies in her stomach growing. Even though Shelby made her nervous at times, the conversation flowed perfectly between them; it all felt natural. 

Shelby: I’m sure it wasn’t that bad, you’re actually a LITTLE smart when you try. Anyways, I’m headed off to bed now, see you tomorrow? 

Toni: bed at 9? what a grandma lmao 

Toni: see you tomorrow, that’s assuming i actually get there on time. 

Toni chuckled at Shelby’s comment. She grew to enjoy their witty banter that seemed to evolve from their every conversation. Before, there was annoyance and distaste behind it. Now it seemed much more friendly and lighthearted, flirty, if you will. 

As Toni laid in bed, her thoughts once again wandered to Shelby. Drifting off to sleep, Toni daydreamed of the blonde sitting next to her hours before. 

Surprisingly, Toni actually arrived to school on time the next day, no doubt due to her excitement to see Shelby again. As she wandered into Mr. Wilson’s classroom, the blonde looked just as excited to see her. 

Toni almost had to remind herself to breath, Shelby looked stunning today. The sun shone brightly against her silky blonde hair which flowed neatly onto her shoulders. Toni loved it when Shelby wore her hair down, and paired with the off the shoulder top and skinny jeans, she looked absolutely gorgeous. 

“Surprised to see you here this early,” Shelby called out as Toni set her bag down beside her. 

“What can I say,” Toni smirked, wiggling her eyebrows. “I like to keep people on their toes.” 

As class began, Toni couldn’t help but keep glancing at the blonde next to her. She felt mesmerized by her every movement. A couple times Toni was sure she caught her staring, but she tried her best to look suddenly extremely interested in the equations on the pages between them. 

“Okay class,” Mr. Wilson called out, writing several equations on the whiteboard. “I’m giving you 15 minutes, do as many of these problems as you can and then we’ll go over the answers.” 

Shelby immediately began solving the problems, as she usually did, but this time she simultaneously kept a conversation going with Toni. 

“Are you actually paying attention in class today?” Shelby joked. “Because you seem a little preoccupied.” 

“I’m not-,” Toni didn’t even bother arguing. So Shelby had caught her staring. That’s a little embarrassing. Maybe she could just play it off as lack of sleep again. “What? I’m just tired.” 

“Mhmm sure you are,” The blonde responded with a knowing smile. Fuck, this girl was good. 

“At least I’m not as lost as I would be, thanks to your help.” 

“So you admit you’re still lost?” Shelby teased, and Toni couldn’t help but laugh with her. 

“Whatever, it’s just algebra, not like I’m ever gonna use this in life.” As Shelby looked at the board for another problem to solve, Toni could swear she saw another smile creeping up on the blonde’s face. 

As class ended, Toni stopped Shelby at the door on the way out. 

“Hey, you still down to come to my game tomorrow night?” Toni asked hopefully. Shelby smiled. 

“Of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

Now it was Toni’s turn to smile.


	4. It's something about her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter for you guys! I've already started the next one so hopefully I'll be able to get it out to you guys soon.

“And now, the one and only number 3, Toni Shalifoe!” The announcer bellowed. Toni ran onto the court, high fiving her teammates as she passed them and looked across the gym, sizing up the other team. She heard they were good, but nothing her team couldn’t handle. The opposing team had a couple tall girls, ranging from around 5’9 to at least 6 feet, but if Toni had learned anything from basketball, it was to not be held back by her size. 

Finally settling in front of her team, Toni turned around to face the cheering crowd. In it she found two familiar faces, Martha, who was screaming and cheering for her, and Shelby, who looked towards her with a huge smile on her face. After noticing Shelby’s excitement, Toni couldn’t help but smile to herself 

After warming up, Toni huddled her team together for a pregame speech. The usual- lets go out there and work hard, don’t let them get in your heads, blah blah blah. It was honestly more of a formality required by her coach as her proper team captain duties, but Toni knew her team didn’t need a pep talk to go kick ass. 

“Shalifoe, your head in the game?” Fatin questioned, noticing Toni wouldn’t stop peering into the stands. 

“Huh? Oh uh yeah I’m good,” Toni responded from her trance. 

Fatin wriggled her eyebrows at her. She seemed to have a sixth sense for these kinds of things. “Who’s the lucky ladies in the stands?” 

Toni rolled her eyes. “Shut up.” 

Fatin strutted towards her position for the beginning of the game. “Better perform well then,” She smirked. Another eye roll from Toni. 

Even though the other team had height, Toni’s teammate Grace won the tip off, sending the ball her way. Toni dribbled the ball down the court, calling a play and passing the ball to the left to confuse the defense. Running to position near the basket, she got open just soon enough to receive another pass and make a layup, the perfect beginning to the game. After Toni shot a quick glance into the stands and noticed Martha and Shelby already cheering for her. 

For the first quarter the score was tight, but after making a few initial baskets, Toni’s performance skyrocketed. She was making layups and sinking threes left and right, the opposing team’s defense couldn’t keep up with her speed. Spinning around another defender, Toni managed to sink another layup before the half time buzzer sounded. The crowd roared at her shot, the scoreboard now read 43-25. 

“Damn Toni, you’re on fire tonight,” Fatin cheered, slapping Toni on the back as they sat on they both slumped into the bench. 

“What can I say,” Toni started. She peered into the stands once more, her eyes meeting Shelby’s and a smile creeping onto her face. “Gotta give em a show.” 

The second half began just as good as the first, Toni and her team making explosive moves and shots. Seemingly every play the score increased. As the end of the game neared, Toni stole ball from the offense and dribbled down the court, outrunning all the defense and making another layup before they could even catch up. 

Jogging to return to her defensive position, a girl on the opposing team shouldered into her, intentionally elbowing her in the face and knocking her to the ground. Toni’s teammates on the bench roared at the flagrant misconduct, and Toni sprang to her feet, feeling the taste of blood on her lips. 

“What the fuck bitch. Got something to say?” Toni seethed. The referee blew the whistle for the girl’s initial foul, and Fatin ran to hold Toni back. The other girl stared Toni down, just feet away from her. She towered almost half a foot over Toni, but if it came to it, Toni wouldn’t be afraid to throw some punches. 

The opposing girl stared her down and spat, “Watch where you’re going shorty.” 

Out of the corner of her eye Toni could faintly see a very worried Shelby standing up in the bleachers, but in her anger she blurred everything out. All she could feel was her fists clenching at her sides, her face growing hot, and her restraint faltering with every moment. Toni’s teammates stepped between her and the opposing team, and she could feel Fatin holding her from behind. 

“Just let it go, that bitch isn’t worth it.” Toni heard Fatin’s voice in her ears, but her head was spinning. The white-hot anger clouded her senses, shutting her off from the rest of the world. Luckily, the ref ejected the girl on the other team for the flagrant foul, and Toni’s coach called her to the bench to cool off. 

Before long, the final buzzer sounded, the ending score a whopping 86-53. Coach Michelle congratulated Toni for the win and sent her to the locker room to clean herself up. In her haze Toni failed to realize her nose was still bleeding. 

She rinsed her face off, a mixture of blood and water running down her chin as she stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. 

“Fuck,” Toni muttered to herself as she touched her nose, still tender from the blow. She heard footsteps coming in from the locker room and she felt herself tense. 

“Hey there,” a familiar blonde called out sheepishly. Toni let out a sigh. Thank God it was only Shelby. 

Toni turned around to look at her. “Hey,” She responded. Blood dripped down from her chin to her jersey. “Shit, I’m kind of a mess right now,” She chuckled. 

Shelby smiled warmly and walked over to Toni, taking the rag out of her hand. “Here, let me help you with that.” Toni nodded and hopped up onto the sink, letting Shelby inch closer to her to clean her face. 

Dipping the cloth under the faucet of the sink next to her, Shelby tenderly held Toni’s chin and began wiping the dried blood off her face. The blonde’s face barely a foot from her own, Toni could feel her hot breath on her skin. It took everything in her to not blush at the intimate contact. 

“You really don’t have to do this, you know.” 

Shelby smiled in response. “I don’t mind, really. I’m just glad you didn’t end up killing that girl on the other team,” she chuckled. Toni looked down and laughed to herself too. 

“Trust me, I wanted to. Good thing I had Fatin there holding me back.” 

“I saw, I was actually pretty worried about you.” Toni furrowed her brow. Why would Shelby be worried about her? 

“You were worried about me?” She asked, almost surprised Shelby cared. She tilted Toni’s face upwards, wiping the last of the blood off her chin and neck. 

“Of course I was, I care about you Toni,” Shelby replied sheepishly, trying to stifle the blush slowly creeping up her face. She wiped the blood off the girl’s chin, fingers lingering besides her lips. Toni gazed up to Shelby’s eyes and noticed the girl was staring down at them. 

Suddenly, as if snapped out of a trance, Shelby turned to look at the ground. Clearing her throat, she stated, “I uh, guess you’re all set now.” She smiled nervously. 

“Right uh, thank you,” Toni responded. Shelby stepped a few paces back from the sink and Toni hopped down, standing level with her. She wasn’t sure if she was the only one that felt the tension between the two of them, but she could tell Shelby seemed nervous. 

“We usually go out for pizza after games,” Toni stated, trying to ease the nerves. “You should come.” 

Shelby smiled and warmly accepted the invite. “Sounds perfect. Drive me there?” 

“Oh come on Toni you looked like you were about to go apeshit on that girl!” Fatin jeered from across the table. The table, filled with Toni’s entire team roared with laughter. Toni chuckled she shook her head as she reached for another slice of pizza. 

“Did not,” She contested with a smile. 

“No seriously, we did not need a repeat of last year,” Grace laughed. Toni covered her face in her hands. 

“Oh God do we really have to talk about that now?” Toni pleaded. Shelby was laughing beside her. 

“Oh this has got to be good,” The blonde chimed in. Toni blushed a shade of deep red and turned to her teammates, silently pleading they would not share the embarrassing story from the last season. Of course, Fatin took the liberty of sharing. 

“This girl on the other team wouldn’t stop fouling her so Toni pissed in her hand and threw it at her.” The entire table erupted in laughter once more, and Toni hid her head in her hands. Though embarrassed, she couldn’t deny she was thoroughly enjoying herself. 

“You know what, I officially hate all of you,” Toni joked. She sheepishly turned to Shelby next to her to gauge her reaction. Her face portrayed a mix of “holy shit I can’t believe you did that” and “wow that was actually pretty hilarious”. Toni secretly loved that Shelby was getting along so well with her teammates. 

“Toni you are actually crazy sometimes you know?” Shelby chuckled, grabbing her drink. Her hand lightly brushed against Toni’s on the table. 

Toni smirked. “What can I say, I like to keep people on their toes.” 

As the night went on, the team laughed and joked around the table. Luckily, Shelby seemed to fit right in with them. Much to Toni’s surprise, she actually knew a lot about basketball. 

“My daddy used to take me to games every month, that’s the only reason I know so much,” She beamed after impressing the team with her knowledge of several players’ statistics. 

“Huh, go figure. Really didn’t peg you as a basketball fan, Shelby,” Toni replied. She leaned back in her seat and took another sip from her drink. In all honesty, Toni herself was pretty impressed. Turns out miss pageant girl did have a few tricks up her sleeve. 

As everyone was packing up to leave, Toni excused herself to the bathroom (those sodas she drank were finally starting to catch up with her). Walking out of the stall, Toni was surprised to see Shelby in the bathroom too. 

“Hey,” Toni chimed as she washed her hands in the sink next to Shelby. “You have fun tonight?” 

“Tons. I’m starting to think they like me more than you,” Shelby smirked, giving Toni a playful punch on the shoulder. The girl slightly winced but played it off, and Shelby suddenly remembered that was the shoulder she fell on during the game. “Oh shoot, my bad Toni.” 

“It’s all good, I’ve had worse. I’m a big tough basketball player you know.” Toni wriggled her eyebrows and flexed her biceps playfully. Shelby rolled her eyes at the girl, but not before noticing how toned she actually was. 

The two walked out to the parking lot, and Toni offered to drive Shelby home, to which she happily accepted. After saying goodbye to her teammates, Toni hopped up into her old jeep wrangler. 

Noticing that Shelby was marveling at the old interior of her vehicle, Toni commented, “It’s not much compared to your Range Rover, but it’s mine.” Shelby ran her fingers across the upholstery. 

“I love it,” Shelby grinned. “I honestly wish I could drive something more fun like this.” She paused and looked down at her feet, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. Toni leaned onto the center console to look at the girl beside her. Shelby sighed. “My daddy makes me drive the fancy car more for his image than anything. God forbid his family be anything less than perfect.” Shelby turned to look out the window, averting her gaze from Toni. 

“Yeah I get it,” Toni started. “Well I mean, not really, actually. But the whole having high expectations thing must be pretty hard.” And the truth was Toni didn’t understand. Sure she had teachers and coaches to meet expectations for, but it’s not like she had parents or even any family other than Martha to set expectations for her. 

Shelby turned her head towards Toni, gazing at her with her deep green eyes. There was emotion behind them, buried deep down, and Toni couldn’t quite pin what it was. Regret? Sadness? Maybe even anger? She wasn’t sure, but Toni tried to empathized with her either way. She might not understand the whole “high expectations” thing, but she sure as hell could relate to the having shitty parents. 

Toni finally spoke up. “Your parents. Tell me about them.” Another twinge of emotion in Shelby’s deep green eyes. 

Shelby chuckled to herself, almost out of nervousness. Toni guessed she didn’t like talking about her parents. “Not much to say, honestly. My dad’s a pastor, runs his own church actually. A bit obsessive about it if you ask me.” 

Toni looked a little nervous at the mention of religion. “So this whole religion thing, is that where Andrew gets his bigoted views?” Shelby nearly winced at the mention of her boyfriend. It seemed she didn’t like talking about him either. 

“Honestly, yeah,” She started. “It’s been so hard growing up being taught there’s only one way to live and do things. I didn’t even realize how radical some of his views were until I started making my own opinions. I don’t even know what he would say if he knew the real me.” Toni raised her eyebrows at the last statement, wondering what it implied. 

“You sound like such a rebel, making your own opinions and all that,” Toni chuckled. She managed to get a laugh from the blonde beside her, anything to make Shelby smile she thought. 

Shelby chuckled to herself. “I’m not much of a rebel, can’t even stand up to my own parents.” Toni thought to herself for a moment. 

“What time do you have to be home?” 

“Midnight,” Shelby replied. Toni glanced to the digital display in the middle of the dashboard, the time reading ‘10:43’. She raised her eyebrows. 

“Wanna go for a drive?” 

Toni took Shelby down some old country roads, windows down and wind blowing through their hair. She had never seen Shelby look so free before. Down the road outside of town, there was a place Toni went whenever she had time. As of late she has been pretty busy with school and basketball, so she hasn’t had much of an opportunity to come back since summer. 

Toni turned off the country road to a side road made of gravel then turned to Shelby. “Almost there.” 

“You sure you’re not just taking me out into the country to murder me or something?” The blonde chuckled, garnering an eye roll from Toni. “Oh no wait! You’re gonna kidnap me! That’s the one.” 

“Shut up,” Toni joked. “I’m not kidnapping you. If I wanted to kidnap someone I’d kidnap a toddler or something, they’d put up less of a fight.” Shelby playfully punched Toni in the shoulder for the comment. 

Shelby looked out the window to her left, peering out into an open meadow filled with thousands of flowers, all different colors. “Oh my God, it’s gorgeous.” 

“Come on,” Toni wiggled her eyebrows and opened her door. “I’ll show you around.” As Shelby hopped out of the car, she looked into the sky, noticing all the different stars that weren’t there before. 

“Toni, look at all the stars,” Shelby said, truly amazed. The girls walked into the meadow, Shelby huddling close to Toni’s side for warmth. Indeed, she had never felt this free. 

“Pretty great, huh?” Toni smiled, looking at Shelby’s head on her shoulder. 

“Very,” the blonde smiled. Her arm brushed up against Toni’s, causing her to notice the goosebumps forming on her skin from the cool air. It was just passed 11 o’clock, after all. 

“Jesus Shelby, you’re freezing. Here, take my jacket.” Before the girl could put up a fight, Toni unzipped the Carhartt jacket she always wore, and draped it over Shelby’s shoulders. 

The two laid down in the field of meadows, Shelby’s head against Toni’s shoulder. Not that she would admit it, but Toni was actually very excited to show Shelby her favorite constellations. Each time she pointed out a new one, the girl marveled at her. It made her heart swell. 

“Oh and here’s my favorite one.” Toni pointed up to the sky. In the city, light pollution made it difficult to see some of the constellations, but out in the country where they were, the stars shone vividly in the sky. “You see the north star, Polaris?” Shelby nodded against her. “You see those 6 stars connected to it? That’s Ursa Minor, the Little Bear. I remember that one from when I was younger.” 

“Where’d you learn so much about the constellations,” Shelby admired. She turned on her side, leaning on her elbow to look at Toni. 

“I’ve just always loved them since I was younger. All the moving around was hard, but the stars were always the same.” Toni felt a twinge of regret that she buried deep down. “Sorry that was really fucking corny,” She chuckled to herself. Shelby looked back at her with eyes filled with wonder. 

“I don’t think its corny,” Shelby soothed as she tucked a strand of Toni’s hard behind her ear. “I think it’s cute.” Shelby nuzzled her face into Toni’s neck, her hot breath warming her skin. 

A comfortable silence fell between them, the cool sounds of the fall night filling the air. As a gentle breeze flew past them, Toni felt Shelby huddle closer to her. Seeing Shelby beside her, wrapped in her jacket, filled her with such contentment. 

“Toni?” The girl hummed in response. “Tell me about your parents.” Toni shifted a bit involuntarily, just barely enough for Shelby to notice. 

“Not much to say, honestly. My dad’s been a no show since day one and my mom’s in and out of rehab like it’s the fucking white castle.” She signed. “Sorry, that was a little personal.” 

“Don’t be sorry, I like getting to know you. All of you, even the bad,” Shelby added. She smiled warmly at Toni. It was odd to Toni that the girl beside her seemed to understand her so well. Just weeks ago they acted like sworn enemies. 

Moments later Toni sat up from her position, helping Shelby do the same. They both strolled back to the car, Shelby still huddled in Toni’s jacket. The drive home was quiet, though not uncomfortable. Honestly, Toni was beginning to enjoy Shelby’s company. 

Shelby directed Toni to her neighborhood, helping her navigate the confusing maze of suburban houses. It was a wealthy area, just as Toni suspected, but her interactions with Shelby taught her not to judge people by their wealth. Some of them still had their own shit-shows going on, even if it was inside a fancy house rather than an old apartment. As they pulled up to the house, Toni noticed the time. 

“Shit, you’re a little late. I hope I don’t get you in trouble,” Toni considered, the clock displaying 12:24 PM. 

“If I do, it’s totally worth it,” Shelby joked. Toni turned to look at her and chuckled. 

“Guess it’s time for you to stop being a rebel and go back to being a perfect pageant queen, huh.” Shelby chuckled at the joke, though there was some truth behind it. It seemed to Toni that the version of Shelby she shared with the world was not her real self, but a façade to maintain her perfect image. 

“Yeah, I guess it is,” she started. “Bye Toni, I had fun tonight.” Toni smiled at her. 

“I did too, text me if you get in trouble.” 

Shelby smiled and waved as she hopped out of the old jeep. Toni stayed long enough to make sure she got inside okay, and as she opened the door, the lights in the living room flickered on. Her parents were definitely waiting for her. Hopefully Shelby would be able to text her. 

Settling into her bed at home, Toni recounted the events of the day, the anger of the basketball game far back in her memories. She recalled the cool breeze on her face as she drove Shelby to the country, how free the girl next to her looked as they drove. The view of the shimmering stars was imprinted in her mind, along with the blonde’s look of admiration each time she pointed out a different constellation to her. Toni felt truly content laying in the beautiful field, with the beautiful girl next to her. 

Tonight with Shelby was probably one of the weirdest nights of her life. Weird because she didn’t hate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you guys feel about the size of the chapters, keep it the same? Shorten it? Let me know what you think.  
> Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter, I sure had a fun time writing it!


	5. You were never mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait and I thank you all for your patience, precalculus has just been kicking my ass these past couple days but nevertheless, here we go! (ironically enough I wrote half of this when I should have been paying attention in class, but who's going to know am I right?)  
> As always, hope you enjoy and I will have another chapter out this weekend.

The text from Shelby never came. Toni assumed her phone got taken away, but that proved to not be the case when she walked into class and noticed Shelby’s phone in her hand. Shelby didn’t offer Toni her usual smile as she walked in the classroom, in fact she barely even acknowledged her. Had Toni overstepped? What was Shelby’s problem this morning? 

Toni set her bag down by her chair. “Hey Shelby,” She called. No response from the girl next to her. She was barely feet away, yet she seemed to be in another universe, out of her reach. Toni sighed. 

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but can you at least acknowledge me?” She tried, turning herself to face Shelby. She gave no indication that she even heard Toni speaking to her. “Shelby?” 

The blonde sat there quietly, flipping through the pristine pages of her notes. Her hair was straightened as always, something Shelby only did because her father wanted her to, Toni had come to learn. She wore a cute but modest skirt, paired with a pristine layer of makeup. Toni couldn’t help but notice how beautiful her eyelashes looked. 

The morning bell rang, and Mr. Wilson finally walked into the classroom. Shelby raised her hand. 

“Yes, Shelby?” Mr. Wilson called. Shelby cleared her throat. 

“I have a yearbook deadline in a couple days and I still have to take some pictures. Would you mind if I go take care of that? I’ve already finished the homework,” She explained. Toni raised her eyebrows, she knew Shelby didn’t have any deadlines for weeks, heck, she had just submitted a set of pages just a few days ago, no way did she already have another deadline approaching. 

Seeing as she already finished the homework, Mr. Wilson allowed Shelby to leave class. On her way out she didn’t even bother looking at Toni, let alone offering a goodbye. 

Toni had never even seen Shelby skip class before, but it seemed she would rather make up some bullshit excuse to leave class than sit next to her for an hour. Apparently spending time with Toni was torture for her. 

The rest of class Toni couldn’t even be bothered to pay attention, not that she did much anyways, but her mind was racing. She spun her pencil around her thumb, though the fidgeting was no use. She had too much pent-up energy that she couldn’t take out until basketball practice in the afternoon. Until then, Toni was forced to cope with her anxious thoughts. 

At lunch Martha noticed Toni’s changed in behavior. She seemed, in her exact words, ‘angry, even for Toni’. 

“I’m fine, really. I just don’t want to talk about it,” Toni huffed, exasperated by her friend’s questions. She knew Martha only bothered her because she cared, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. Still, Toni did her best not to go off on her, but half-hearted excuses did little to stop Martha’s interrogation. 

“Seriously Toni, what’s up with you, I haven’t seen you like this since after Regan,” Martha fretted. Toni winced at the mention of her ex-girlfriend. 

“Marty, I know you’re just trying to be nice, but seriously I can’t do this today.” Toni buried her face in her hands. She wished to be anywhere but here, somewhere she could be alone with her thoughts, without all this girl drama. Toni had never even dealt with so much drama from a girl that wasn’t her girlfriend. Come to think of it Shelby almost felt like a girlfriend; their late-night adventure the previous night practically resembled a date. 

Was that the problem? Shelby did have a boyfriend, after all, not that it seemed like it though. She hardly saw them together at school anymore, quite odd considering Andrew used to keep Shelby pinned to his side like a trophy wife. Maybe Shelby just needed some space from him. 

During third period Toni’s mind was plagued with thoughts of Shelby, wondering where the hell she was and what she did wrong that made her suddenly hate her so much. Fatin was right, all girls ever do is bring you drama. 

Throughout the rest of the day, Toni found it impossible to pay attention. Her mind was running wild and her death grip on her pencil made it very difficult to even write anything, so she gave up and excused herself to the bathroom to walk the halls. 

Toni often did this when she was having a hard time focusing, she knew the fresh air would be good for her today of all days. Shelby was still nowhere to be found, according to Martha she wasn’t even in photography class. Toni chuckled to herself about the irony of her excuse: left class to take pictures for photography class but didn’t even show up to photography class. 

Toni sighed as she realized it was probably all her fault anyways, not that she did anything wrong that she knew of. Now she almost felt embarrassed that she had such a good time the previous night with Shelby since she obviously didn’t feel the same. 

At basketball practice, Toni was even more aggressive than usual, taking her anger and frustrations out on the ball and very nearly her teammates, before Fatin told her to reel it in. Luckily there was no game today because if there was, Toni probably would have done something she regretted. 

After an accidentally aggressive pass, Fatin pulled her to the side. 

“Toni what’s going on with you today, you seem a little more agro than normal,” Fatin noted. Toni shook her head, trying to get herself back in the game. 

“It’s nothing, really.” Fatin was not convinced. “Fine, girl problems or whatever,” Toni relented. Fatin gave her a knowing look. 

“Alright Shalifoe who do I need to go beat up,” She joked, playfully punching Toni in the arm. Toni chuckled to herself then sighed. 

“Naw man it’s not even like that, she wasn’t my girlfriend or anything, just-” Before Toni could finish Fatin interrupted her. 

“Just you wish she was?” 

“I- uh, no!” Toni defended, though Fatin was not convinced. She swore Fatin had a sixth sense for all her girl drama, it’s like she could sniff out the sexual tension. Toni sat down, defeated. “Not like I can do anything about it anyways, she won’t even talk to me. I don’t even know what I did!” Toni threw her arms up in defeat. 

“We just need to finish practice and let you get all your agro energy out,” Fatin began. She held her hands out to Toni and helped her to her feet. “Come on Shalifoe, get your head in the game.” 

Toni shook her head to clear her mind and dribbled to the basket and sink a layup. 

At the end of practice, Toni unlaced her basketball shoes and reached into her bag for her jacket. 

Shit, she thought to herself. Shelby still had it. After being ignored all day, Toni was not inclined to text Shelby first and risk being left on read, but she bit the bullet and sent a text anyways. No way in hell was she losing her jacket to some girl. 

Toni: hey, do you still have my jacket? 

Toni almost felt stupid texting Shelby first after being ignored all day, but maybe now she would finally talk to her. Toni hopped into the driver’s seat of her car and waited a few more minutes for a response, which, for her current situation of being ignored, came surprisingly fast. 

Shelby: Yes. I can meet you after school tomorrow. 

After school? They literally had a class together. 

Toni: why not just give it to me in class? 

Shelby: I’m going to be late. Doctor’s appointment. 

Toni didn’t believe her excuse for a second, but with no way to disprove it she let it go. 

Toni: fine. see you after school tomorrow 

Toni paused for a minute, contemplating whether or not to send the next text. 

Toni: and hey what’s been up with you all day, everything okay? 

As soon as she sent the text she immediately regretted it, so she tossed her phone into the back seat and drove home in silence. 

By the time Toni got home, Shelby still hadn’t texted her back, in fact she left her on read. 

Great, just great, She thought to herself. This was exactly what she didn’t want to happen, it made her feel stupid for even reaching out. This was also one of the reasons Toni kept to herself after Regan; when she was alone no one could hurt her. Now it seemed as soon as she opened herself up to Shelby, she scared her away. Hell, little miss perfect Shelby was skipping class just to avoid her. 

Toni heard a knock on her bedroom door, followed by Martha sheepishly opening it. 

“Hey,” Martha called out. “Can I come in?” Toni nodded and Martha came and laid down on the bed next to her, propping herself up on her elbows. “So are you gonna tell me what’s been going on with you or am I going to have to prod a little more?” 

“Nothing, just girl problems or whatever. Not even, its stupid to even call it that.” Toni threw her head back against her pillow in defeat. “Seriously it’s not even a big deal.” Martha looked at her knowingly. 

“You haven’t been this worked up over a girl since Regan,” Martha observed. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me, it’s all stupid anyways,” Toni grumbled. She suddenly found herself in an embrace from Martha, to which she begrudgingly allowed. Toni was never one to get too touchy feely with people, but she made an exception for Martha. Besides, sometimes Martha knew what was good for her more than she did. 

Martha laid with Toni until she fell asleep, then carefully tip-toed out of the room and shut the door behind her. 

The next day passed as slowly as ever. Toni anxiously dressed herself in the morning, carefully selecting an outfit to look nice, though she almost felt stupid for the effort. Of course Martha teased her about being ‘miss hoodie and basketball shorts’ who rarely cared about her appearance. Still, Toni put on a nice pair of skinny jeans and one of her favorite t-shirts. 

Although she knew Shelby was going to be late to class, Toni was still disappointed when she walked into Mr. Wilson’s room and noticed the blonde wasn’t there. It had been over a full day since they had a real conversation, unless you count Shelby’s obligatory response to Toni’s text. 

Why was Toni even so upset? She told herself it was no big deal, just some stupid drama. Shelby probably overheard some of her church friends gossiping about her. The whole gay thing usually set them off. Toni really tried to convince herself the drama with Shelby was no big deal, but she couldn’t. Every time she tried to complete a problem or jot down notes her thoughts drifted to her, so eventually she gave up trying to pay attention and allowed her thoughts to wander. 

During lunch Toni was just happy to finally see Martha again. Her best friend had a way of cheering her up when she needed it most, so the two sat down in their usual spot and joked together for the remainder of their lunch period while they ate. 

Across the cafeteria Toni spotted a familiar blonde entering the doors, with none other than her boyfriend, Andrew. What a prick, she thought to herself. Martha immediately picked up on her distraction. 

“Hey, you okay Toni?” She asked. Toni blinked a couple times to snap herself back to reality. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Satisfied with the response, Martha continued the conversation, though Toni was only half paying attention. Her eyes wandered to Shelby across the cafeteria, who refused to meet her gaze, not even by accident, so she was most definitely intentionally avoiding her. Once again she clung to Andrew’s side like he was her lifeline, the only thing grounding her. This was the thing that confused Toni the most, she knew Shelby wasn’t even fond of him, so why did she make such a big show of being in a relationship with him? Toni still couldn’t understand how a person would want to be associated with such an asshole like Andrew. 

Toni brushed off the thoughts of Shelby, and at least attempted to pay attention for the remainder of her day. 

At the end of the day, Toni anxiously waited in the parking lot for Shelby. She found her car hidden in the corner of the parking lot, like it usually was, and plopped down on the sidewalk next to it. Practice didn’t start for another twenty minutes, and even still, Toni wouldn’t mind being a couple minutes late as long as she figured out what the hell was going on with Shelby. 

Not a minute later she heard Shelby march her way, every step accompanied by the click of her heels on the pavement. In all honesty, Toni wasn’t sure what she expected from this interaction, but the sight of Shelby’s all too perfect pageant smile squashed all hopes of resolving their issues. Toni knew she reserved that smile for when she faked her emotions, wearing a mask covering her true self, hinting meaning Shelby was less than thrilled to meet with her. 

As she stood up, Toni refused to be intimidated by the pageant queen’s height. Even without the heels, Shelby stood a few inches taller than her, though now she seemed to tower over her. Toni’s expression hardened as Shelby opened her mouth to speak. 

“Hi there,” Shelby spoke, her words overenthusiastic words thick with her southern accent. Her façade told Toni she was obviously trying to forget about anything that ever happened between them, or anything that hadn’t happened for that matter. 

“Can I just have my jacket back now, Shelby.” Toni looked at her coldly, not wanting to waste any time. The blonde went out of her way to ignore her for the past day, so Toni felt no inclination to draw out this interaction. 

“Right, here you go.” Shelby handed Toni her old Carhartt, neatly folded. She appeared almost crestfallen by Toni’s demeanor, like she expected her to be happy after being ignored for a day. Shelby looked as if she had more to say, but the words unspoken were cut off by Toni turning and leaving for practice. 

“Toni,” A voice called after her. She almost wanted to ignore it, to keep walking, but her curiosity got the better of her. Toni still wanted to talk to Shelby, even after she hurt her. It almost made her angry. 

“What do you want Shelby.” The blonde was taken aback by her hostility. 

“I, uh, never mind.” Shelby’s façade faltered for just a moment, not long enough for anyone else to pick up on, but Toni could see right past her. Shelby forced a smile and hopped into her car, driving off, not waiting for a response from Toni. 

Although the hostility during their interaction was mostly her fault, Toni still felt angry towards Shelby. She wanted to talk to her, finally figure out what the hell was going on, but she couldn’t stand interacting with Shelby’s fake persona. She needed the real Shelby, not the mask she wore to please others. 

Apparently, she was not going to get it.


	6. What did we do to end up like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everybody, here's an update for the weekend, as promised!  
> Thank you all for the comments, I really like hearing what you guys think of the fic so far.  
> Anyways, without further ado, here's chapter 6

Shelby’s distant behavior continued the next week at school. Every moment out of class she spent clung to Andrew’s side, causing Toni to wonder if it was as much as an act she put for Andrew as well as everyone else at school. Toni wanted nothing more than to snap her out of her fake perfect little life, but unfortunately Shelby was still acting as if she was nonexistent. 

Even in class Shelby managed to not utter a single word to Toni for the past week, and honestly Toni was sick of it. Seeing Andrew parade Shelby throughout the halls like she was some object was enough for her, but Shelby continuing to ignore her stung deeper. 

She shouldn’t even care, Toni reminded herself. It’s not like she even liked Shelby much to begin with. Well, maybe pretending she didn’t like Shelby anymore was as much of an act as Shelby pretending to like Andrew. 

It was exhausting for Toni, watching Andrew and his group of friends parading around the school like they owned the place. Of course everybody loved it, too. Their bigotry fit right in with the rest of the school’s, this was Texas, after all. 

For Toni, it seemed the homophobic remarks skyrocketed the past week. Sure she grew accustomed to their constant complaints about seeing gay people in the media but come recently, more and more of the remarks were directed towards her. 

Every chance he got, Andrew “accidentally” shouldered into Toni, causing her to slam backwards into the lockers and drop her books on several occasions. Luckily, most times this happened she had Martha or Fatin by her side to hold her back and keep her from getting herself expelled. 

She was used to this type of behavior from Andrew, but the worst part was watching Shelby sit idly by, silently observing the now daily assaults. One day, Fatin had enough and let Toni have a go at him. 

“Watch where you’re going, dyke,” Andrew spat at Toni after purposefully shouldering her into the lockers. Of course, Shelby followed right behind him, refusing to meet Toni’s fiery eyes. 

“Fuck you, you fucking asshole,” Toni bit back. Usually at this point, Fatin would have gotten a grip on her, preparing to prevent her from starting a full-on brawl in the hallway, but turns out she had enough of Andrew’s harassment as well. 

Toni shoved Andrew, hard. Enough to make hm lose his balance, causing him to take a few steps backwards. He pushed Toni back, then towered over her. He wasn’t used to Toni defending herself. 

“I said, watch where you’re fucking going, dyke.” His words dripped with venom, and he made sure to annunciate the last word especially clear. 

At this, Toni lost it. Her fist met Andrew’s face with surprising accuracy, shocking him and sending him down to the floor. He looked up at her, nose bloodied, and shot up, ready to return the punch. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Fatin growled, stepping between him and Toni. Shelby still stood near Andrew, not daring to lift her gaze from the floor as if she was embarrassed to be complicit in the raucous. 

Seeing as he was now outnumbered, Andrew gave up and stalked off with a few rude remarks, Shelby trailing close behind. Fatin brushed Toni’s shoulders off to make sure she was okay, and secretly flipped Andrew off as he left, eliciting a laugh from Toni. 

“What a fucking bitch dude. You good?” Fatin questioned. Toni rubbed the shoulder that Andrew hit. 

“Yeah, I’ve had worse. At least he got what was fucking coming to him though.” 

“I can’t believe Shelby just sat there. Who would want to date such a prick?” Fatin declared. 

Right, Shelby. Toni was trying not to dwell on the fact that she just sat there watching her boyfriend harass her for yet another day. It was getting old, repetitive, and to be quite honest Toni was sick of it. She wasn’t forcing Shelby to be all “buddy buddy” with her, but the least she could do would be to stand up for her to her boyfriend. Apparently common human decency is too much to ask for with the Jesus freaks. 

Toni noticed Andrew had anger issues with other people, not just her. It made her feel a little better about the daily harassments, but also sympathy for Shelby for putting up with him. Toni quickly swatted the thought away, though, reminding herself Shelby had sat idly by when Andrew took his aggression out on her, so she should feel no need for sympathy for her. Still, Toni couldn’t help but feel sorry for Shelby for dealing with her asshole boyfriend. 

The thought crossed her mind that why didn’t Shelby simply break up with him? Surely she had a good reason, no one stays in unhappy relationships for the fun of it, though she couldn’t imagine what reason there could possibly be for constantly putting up with such a homophobic prick. 

Toni though back to their conversation in her car, obviously Shelby didn’t agree with the hatefulness. Still, she didn’t defend against it, and that was enough of a reason for Toni to be angry with her. 

After school, Toni noticed Andrew and Shelby arguing in the parking lot. Well, more Andrew just yelling at her, something about her being “such a fucking prude”. What a jackass, she thought. Women aren’t just objects for men to use as they please. 

Walking closer to her car, Toni caught Shelby’s eyes. It was the first time in almost a week since she even looked at her, but this wasn’t a friendly gaze, Toni saw something in Shelby’s eyes she hadn’t seen before: fear. Andrew had her backed up against her car, every moment he moved closer to her, causing her to sink back into the cold metal as far as she could. He still argued with her, screaming in her face almost, and when he slammed his hand down on the car a little too close to Shelby, Toni lost it. 

“Back the fuck off,” Toni seethed, shoving Andrew away from Shelby. She heard a sigh of relief from the blonde. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you basic fucking manners?” Andrew’s face hardened. Toni didn’t know if he would go as far as to hit a woman, but she didn’t want to find out. 

“Mind your own fucking business.” Andrew didn’t relent, staring Toni down, almost daring her to make the first move. Almost on instinct, Toni found herself between him and Shelby, protecting her from whatever aggression he could possibly spew. 

“Would you please just stop!” Shelby yelled. “Leave her alone.” Toni could hear the shakiness in her voice. She was also a bit surprised, as well. She had never heard Shelby stand up to Andrew like this. 

Now with his girlfriend against him, Andrew looked defeated. 

“Whatever, call me later.” He stalked off, but not before eyeing Toni up and down once more, communicating their fight wasn’t over. Behind her, Toni heard a sigh of relief from Shelby as her boyfriend walked off. 

“Are you okay?” Toni wondered, which effectively let Shelby know she was worried about her. Fuck, she had to stop letting herself care. This was Shelby’s mess she told herself, she was just lucky she had Toni there to intervene. Toni found herself putting up her walls again, separating her emotions from the blonde in front of her. 

“Yeah, I- I’m fine.” Shelby stared at the pavement, almost too ashamed to meet Toni’s gaze. She was well aware this was the most she’s spoken to Toni in more than a week. Toni nodded and turned to leave, not wanting to draw out the interaction any longer than need be, but the blonde stopped her as she turned away. 

“I, uh-” Shelby began , but Toni cut her off. 

“Don’t mention it,” Toni responded coldly. Shelby opened her mouth to speak again but Toni cut her off once more. “No seriously, don’t mention it. You’ve made your feelings towards me abundantly clear this past week.” Her words were laced with anger, and below that, dejection. Toni used her anger to mask how hurt she was by Shelby’s actions, electing to ignore the emotion rather than feel it. As Toni walked away with her head down, Shelby looked defeated. 

She had to stop letting herself care. Toni knew all that would lead to is her getting hurt, so instead of letting others in, she closed herself off. It was a bad habit that Martha called her out about on multiple occasions, but after years in the foster care system, Toni wouldn’t let herself care for others unless she was sure they wouldn’t leave her. 

That’s what she thought regarding Regan, but obviously that blew up in her face due to her own mistakes. After that experience, Toni just did her best to shut people out, building walls around herself for her own protection. Why was it that Shelby, of all people, seemed to knock them down? 

That night Toni fell asleep, dreaming of Shelby and the look of true fear in her eyes at Andrew’s aggression, and then, the look of gratitude and relief after she protected her. 

Shelby acted different during class next day. She still didn’t offer much in the way of words to Toni, but she did greet her with a small smile. Shelby’s hot and cold tendencies of going from friends, to ignoring her in a day, back to acknowledging her existence really confused Toni, and honestly, she was too tired to deal with it. Toni offered her a forced smile in return but nothing else. 

In the hallways Toni noticed Shelby didn’t cling to Andrew as much as she usually did. Sure she still followed him around everywhere, but it wasn’t like he was constantly manhandling her anymore. Shelby’s pageant smile she wore to school appeared to faltered that day, not enough for most people to notice, but Toni sure picked up on it. She hated that she still paid such close attention to Shelby, even with her silent treatment. 

At practice, Toni pushed herself harder than ever. It was a welcome distraction from her personal life, plus there was an important game the coming Friday against their crosstown rivals, Central High. The games against Central were some of the most attended during their season, the stands filled with roaring spectators from each school. 

Part of herself almost wanted Shelby to come to the game, but Toni quickly reminded herself not to get her hopes up. When she did, people always inevitably let her down. And besides, she was still supposed to be angry at Shelby, at least that’s what she told herself. 

After practice, Fatin met up with Toni on their way to the locker rooms. 

“Rough practice today, huh,” Fatin called out. 

“Seriously, man. It’s like coach is trying to kill us with all those suicides,” Toni joked. “Just a couple more days until the big game, though.” 

“We’re gonna kill it, we always do,” Fatin responded, tossing Toni’s bag to her. Unlacing her basketball shoes, Fatin piped up again. 

“I saw you in the parking lot yesterday with Shelby, what was that all about?” She inquired. Toni grew a littler nervous at the mention of the blonde, surely Fatin was just asking about it to check on her, she couldn’t possibly know anything, right? 

“That was just… nothing. Andrew being a dick.” Toni paused. “I just had to step in I guess.” Fatin looked at her with a puzzled expression, almost like she knew there was more to the story. 

“I didn’t take you for the night in shining armor type, Shalifoe.” Toni chuckled in spite of herself, attempting to come up with some excuse for her actions. 

“I’m not, just, well… you know how Andrew is. Such a prick.” 

“Yes Toni, I’m well aware how you feel about Andrew,” Fatin chuckled. “Don’t forget I watched you almost knock him out yesterday.” 

“Oh, right.” Come to think of it, Toni found it rather odd Shelby didn’t mention that during their interaction the previous day. Surely she would be mad at someone for straight up decking her boyfriend in the face, but maybe deep down she knew he deserved it. On the other hand, Shelby never stood up to him herself. 

Perhaps she couldn’t, Toni thought to herself. A wave of pity for Shelby nearly swept over her, but Toni stifled it, reminding herself to keep her distance, even just to herself. 

The day of the big game came, though not soon enough for Toni. All morning she had been drumming her fingers on her desk and fidgeting with her pencils, anything to distract herself from how excited she was. As the announcer called her name, she eagerly ran onto the court, greeted by roaring fans in the stands. 

Toni quickly spotted Martha sitting in the top row in her usual spot. She was cheering loud as ever. What surprised Toni more though was the appearance of a familiar blonde and her boyfriend, seated in the front row. Toni wondered why Shelby even came to the game since basketball wasn’t really her thing, but then she remembered almost everyone attended the home games with their rivals. A little part of her hoped Shelby was there to see her, though she wouldn’t admit that to anyone. 

Their dynamic seemed to shift the days after Toni’s confrontation with Andrew, too. Of course her and Shelby didn’t actually talk talk, but they coexisted together peacefully in class. Sometimes when Toni was lost during class Shelby would guide her in the right direction, so one could call their relationship amicable, though nothing close to what it was before, with Toni whisking Shelby off to her favorite spot in the countryside before her curfew. 

Plucked from her thoughts by an enthusiastic Fatin shaking her out of her trance, Toni readied herself for the game to start. 

Luckily for Toni, there were no major incidents during this game. Most of the times, at least one girl would manage to get under her skin enough to elicit a violent response, but today she controlled herself, too in the zone to be worried about the other team. 

With every shot, the crowd grew louder and louder, cheers roaring at every point scored. With all those faces in the crowd though, Toni searched for only one. Every point she scored Shelby cheered loudly for her, though that could be written off as team spirit. Still, Toni swore she caught the blonde staring on multiple occasions. 

At the sound of the last buzzer, the fans roared in the crowd, the score reading 75-69 in favor of the home team. The team was ecstatic over the win, successfully defeating their crosstown rivals for the fifth year in a row. 

After the game, Toni found herself alone in the locker room, seeing as the rest of her teammates already left. Often times she took the longest to finish up in the locker room, but in all honesty she didn’t mind the solitude. While putting her basketball shoes away in her bag, Toni heard footsteps approaching. She turned around and saw none other than Shelby. 

“That was a good game out there,” Shelby offered. 

“Thanks,” Toni responded. “Where’s Andrew?” 

“He went home,” Shelby sighed. Toni hummed in response. She was hopeful for the interaction, though not sure what she expected from it. Maybe Shelby was here to extend an olive branch, or perhaps this was her swaying to the other side of the pendulum and preparing to tell her to fuck off again. 

“I feel like I owe you an apology, or-or at least some sort of explanation,” Shelby explained in her thick southern drawl. She paused, unsure of what to say next, and Toni offered her a look that said, ‘go on’. Shelby continued. “It’s just, that night, after we hung out, my Daddy was upset I came home after curfew, and he noticed I was wearing another girl’s jacket… Your jacket,” she added. “He recognized it was yours, he’s seen you wear it after basketball games.” 

Toni scoffed. She remembered a few of the games Dave attended, always accompanied by some homophobic remark towards her. After a while he stopped coming to the games, as if he couldn’t stand being in the same room as a homosexual. 

“So? You didn’t have to ignore me like that.” Toni wanted to say more but she could already feel her voice faltering. She couldn’t allow Shelby to see how much her treatment affected her. 

“I just, he just didn’t want me to hang out around someone like you,” Shelby replied sheepishly, averting her gaze to the tile floor between them. Toni scoffed once again. So that’s how this is going to be, she thought to herself. 

“Someone like me, huh? What’s that supposed to mean?” All hope for a friendly reaction was lost for Toni, she felt her anger bubbling beneath the surface yet again. Every time she opened herself up to Shelby, she felt stupid when the girl inevitably turned away again. 

“It’s just-” 

“Don’t bullshit me, Shelby cause the vibe that’s coming off you right now I’ve felt it a few too many times not to know what it is-” 

But Toni didn’t get to finish, suddenly Shelby’s lips met her own, full of passion and need. Toni didn’t hesitate to kiss her back, her hands finding Shelby’s waist and pulling her impossibly closer, with Shelby almost moaning into her touch. 

It was over almost as suddenly as it began, Shelby broke away from the kiss with a shocked face, realizing in horror what she had done, and ran out of the locker room. Toni picked up her bag and trailed close behind. 

“Shelby, wait!” She called from behind her, but it was no use. The blonde wasn’t exhausted from a grueling basketball game, in addition to the fact it seemed like she actually had something she was running from.


	7. You're not the only one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking a couple days to update, I've been up to my ears preparing for midterms today and tomorrow (luckily, precalc is no longer kicking my ass, woohoo!) I made this chapter extra long for you guys! I will also be posting much more regularly seeing as I'll be on spring break for the next week. Thanks for reading everybody :)

What the hell just happened? Toni thought to herself. Shelby kissed her, obviously. Not only that, but she kissed her back. So much for not letting her walls down. 

It all made so much more sense now, though. Nearly everything about Shelby was an act, from her perfect hair to her pageant smile, all of which she perfected in order to satisfy her demanding father. Hell, even her straightness was an act, solidified by her “attachment” to her boyfriend. 

On her way home from the basketball game, Toni wasn’t sure what to do next. She wanted to text Shelby, maybe have a real conversation with her because in all honesty, she missed the talking between them. On the other hand, Toni figured she had a lot of things to work out with herself, so maybe giving her space was the best option. Hopefully this time, space didn’t include ignoring her for days. 

Pulling into the Blackburn’s driveway, Toni noticed a notification pop up on her phone screen. Her heart fluttered seeing it was from Shelby. 

Shelby: Hey, I’m sorry about earlier. 

Toni wasted no time in responding. 

Toni: what about it? 

The question itself left much to interpretation, and Toni wasn’t sure if Shelby was actually going to spell it all out for her or not. Still, she wasn’t completely sure where the blonde’s head was at. Perhaps she already regretted it, Toni thought to herself. 

Shelby: Well… 

Shelby: Just, I didn’t mean to. 

Oh. Toni’s heart sunk in her chest. Apparently Shelby didn’t actually want to kiss her, it seemed to be just some act of teenage rebellion against her overbearing father. 

Toni: oh 

Toni: right, we can just pretend it never happened then 

Fuck, of course this was happening. Of course the second she opened her up to Shelby, she didn’t want her anymore. That’s what always happened, people leaving, so at least Toni was used to it by now. 

That didn’t change the fact that the feeling of emptiness gnawed at her heart as she laid in bed that night, unable to fall asleep. 

Monday at school, Shelby seemed as bubbly and energetic as ever. Toni wasn’t sure if she should be confused by the sudden change in attitude or happy that Shelby was finally talking to her in class again. Turn outs she really meant the whole ‘forgetting it ever happened’ thing. 

When Mr. Wilson assigned them a handful of problems to complete, Toni turned to Shelby for some conversation. 

“So…” She began. “You have a fun weekend?” The blonde didn’t look away from her assignment, though she did respond as she continued working. 

“Not really, I had to spend it at one of Andrew’s BMX races,” Shelby sighed. 

“Isn’t he your boyfriend or whatever so shouldn’t you enjoy spending time with him?” Toni asked, not to push Shelby’s buttons, but because she was actually curious. 

“Yeah, I should,” the blonde attempted. After a moment, she turned her head towards Toni and added, “I’m actually going to break up with him… Well, I want to break up with him.” 

Toni detected a hint of regret in her voice. It almost pained her hearing Shelby talk about Andrew like this; she could tell she wasn’t truly happy, and she wished there was something she could do about it. Toni began absent mindedly flipping through the textbook. 

“Is there anything stopping you?” Toni asked. Shelby looked down and chuckled to herself. 

“You have no idea. It’s like my dad cares more about my relationship with him than I do.” Toni opened her mouth to speak again but was cut off by Mr. Wilson resuming his lecture. Instead, Toni opted to scribble a note down on the corner of Shelby’s paper. 

want me to punch him in the face too? Shelby noticed the note and chuckled, rolling her eyes. She picked up her own pencil from the corner of her desk, and jot down her reply. 

You wish. Toni chuckled, realizing how much she missed Shelby’s sarcastic remarks. 

Mr. Wilson noticed neither of them were paying attention. 

“Ladies in the back, eyes up front please,” he called out to them. Shelby straightened up, but Toni just rolled her eyes. Of course, Shelby actually had a reputation as a good student to uphold, so she couldn’t blame her. Still, Toni scribbled another note down. 

he can be such a pain sometimes. Shelby gave her a knowing look with a smile. Mr. Wilson had quite the reputation for a boring teacher. A man in his late 50’s, he spent his class periods lecturing, but still somehow managed not to teach a single thing. Even Shelby had to practically teach herself the material. Toni herself was barely hanging on to her B, and that’s only thanks to peering over Shelby’s notes during class. 

Finally, Mr. Wilson stopped his lecturing and gave them another set of problems to work on. 

“So,” Shelby began. “Do you have practice today?” She looked over at Toni hopeful, fidgeting with the bracelet on her wrist. 

“Actually, for once I don’t,” Toni chuckled. Shelby seemed a bit surprised so she explained there must have been some event going on in the gym after school, she heard something about a PTA meeting. 

“Right, well… I was thinking maybe you’d want to hang out? Maybe grab a bite to eat? I know this really good burger joint across town.” Shelby appeared hopeful, turns out she was done ignoring Toni, after all, and Toni couldn’t help but smile. Even when she tried to play it cool around pretty girls, she somehow could never get ahold of her excitement. 

“Alright, I’ll meet you by my car after school?” She asked, and Shelby nodded as they were dismissed by the bell. 

Toni’s contrarian attitude did a full 180 after that, much to Martha’s delight. 

“I’m not sure what’s gotten into you lately, but you’re not being grumpy anymore so I can’t complain,” Martha joked as they walked to lunch together. She was always the first one to pick up on Toni’s mood shifts, especially when it came to her girl drama. 

“What, you so used to seeing me grumpy all the time that it’s weird for me to be happy?” Toni responded, throwing her arms up pretending to be offended, to which Martha rolled her eyes. 

“Let’s not pretend you’re all rainbows and unicorns and all that,” Martha responded. Toni wriggled her eyebrows, sitting down at the lunch table. 

“I could be,” Toni jeered, though she knew her sudden happy attitude was quite uncharacteristic of her. Hell, she was even smiling. Usually Toni was the type of person to glare at you for looking at her wrong in the hallways, but with her sort of date with Shelby later, she couldn’t have been bothered too. 

Across the cafeteria, Shelby spotted Toni and shot her a smile with a little wave. Toni smiled back with a nod, play it cool, she told herself. Following right behind Shelby she saw Andrew and his group of friends. Though she didn’t like seeing Shelby still hang out with him, Andrew trailing behind with his friends is better than Andrew practically feeling her up in the halls. 

Martha prodded Toni with the end of her fork, teasing, “So are you going to tell me who this ‘mystery girl’ is?” Toni groaned in response. 

“Can’t I go a day without you badgering me?” Toni pleaded. 

“Nope!” Martha grinned, playfully booping Toni’s nose and standing up to leave for class, with her best friend following right behind her. 

After school, Toni eagerly waited by Shelby’s car. 

“Hey, you ready?” Shelby called out, and Toni nodded excitedly and hopped into the car with her. 

Shelby drove her to the other side of town, windows down and music blaring. It reminded Toni of the first night they spent together, actually. In the distance, Toni noticed the neon sign of an old rustic diner, looking like it came straight out of the 60s. Toni remembers going to diners like this one a lot when she was younger. They offered her a refuge from her personal life when she needed it. 

As they walked in, Shelby was greeted by an older man manning the grill. His light stubble and kind eyes gave him an approachable, friendly look. 

“Hey blondie, haven’t seen you in a while. Who’s your little friend her,” the man called out, gesturing to Toni. His voice was rough and hoarse, but his eyes warm and gentle. He seemed very kindhearted to Toni. 

“Hey Jim, this is Toni,” Shelby beamed. 

“Hey Toni, take a seat wherever you girls want. The usual, Shelby?” Shelby nodded and turned to Toni. 

“You want a menu?” She asked her. Toni declined, and opted to have whatever Shelby ordered. She liked the aspect of surprise. The two girls sat and talked, Shelby leading Toni into her favorite booth in the corner. Toni noticed the way Shelby’s smile beamed inside the diner, truly letting her guard down. 

Not ten minutes later, a waitress by the name of Betty brought out two heaping burgers a couple baskets of piping hot fries, with cokes for each of the girls. Shelby took a whopping bite of her burger. 

“My dad would have a heart attack if he even saw me within 50 feet of a diner,” Shelby joked. “He’s more of a green smoothie type of guy.” Toni laughed. 

“I’m convinced that anybody that says they like green smoothies are lying.” The girls continued to talk as they ate the feast before them, Toni marveling at the size of the burgers and Shelby astonished the girl across from her could eat it all in one sitting. 

“If you think that was a lot of food, you should see me after basketball game,” Toni laughed, wiping a bit of ketchup from the corner of her mouth with a napkin. She thought about how relaxing it felt to hang out with someone. Sure she had Martha, the two of them were practically inseparable, but other than her and her basketball team, Toni didn’t have many friends from school. Talking to someone new seemed refreshing, in a way, for her. 

“Well you’ll just have to show me,” Shelby beamed. It almost seemed like an invitation to hang out with her after the next basketball game, but Toni wasn’t sure and she didn’t want to push it, not with what happened last time when Shelby ignored her existence for nearly a week. 

As Shelby was nibbling at the last of her fries, she piped up to Toni. 

“Have you thought about prom?” Shelby asked, dipping a fry in ketchup. Toni had nearly forgotten about it, actually. She wasn’t one for school dances, but she usually went to keep an eye on Martha and make sure the unruly high school boys stayed away from her. 

“Not really. I’ll probably just end up going with Martha or something. You going with Andrew?” At the mention of her boyfriend, Shelby’s face changed. She tensed, seemingly remembering the reputation of the perfect pageant queen she was forced to uphold at school. In the diner with just the two of them, she seemed much freer than at school with hundreds of eyes watching her every move. 

“I don’t know,” She sighed. “I bet my parents will want me to.” Shelby slumped back into the booth. Toni leaned her elbows onto the table and looked at her with caring eyes. 

“It shouldn’t really matter what your parents want, you should just do what you want to.” Shelby chuckled to herself and shook her head. 

“I wish it was that simple.” 

After the two finished eating, Shelby paid for the meal, obviously with protest from Toni who wanted to pay, but relented when Shelby insisted, sure to leave a generous tip for Betty. The girls then walked out to the car, and hopped in. 

“Where to blondie?” Toni asked with a chuckle, borrowing the nickname from Jim in the diner. Shelby looked at her across the center console and grinned. 

“I have an idea.” 

“I should never have let you talk me into this,” Toni exclaimed after sending another bowling ball into the gutter. Shelby laughed at her misfortune. 

“I never thought I’d meet someone worse at bowling than I am, yet, here we are,” She smirked, knocking down five pins with her next roll. 

“Oh please, not like that’s much better.” Toni chuckled. The bowling alley wasn’t as packed as usual, being a Monday afternoon. In their small town, it was packed Friday nights, filled with high school students looking for a place to hang. It always amused Toni how people from small towns found ways to have fun. 

On Toni’s next turn, she stepped up to the lane and hurled the ball, miraculously rolling a strike. She smirked to Shelby. 

“Beginners luck,” Shelby responded. Toni sat down on the bench next to her, her hand lightly brushing Shelby’s shoulder. 

“Or I’m just that good.” The blonde rolled her eyes and stood for her turn. 

Of course, Toni’s beginners luck was short lived as she barely managed to knock any pins down from that point forward. Toni loved the way Shelby smiled after each throw, no matter how good of a shot it was, she just seemed happy and excited to be there with her. 

As the evening progresses, more people filled the alley, though still few enough that most of the lanes were unoccupied. The front door whooshed open again with another customer, and Toni noticed Shelby’s expression change. Suddenly she sat much straighter, it was as if she was under a magnifying glass being judged for her every move. Toni didn’t yet look to see who had walked in, instead quickly sitting down across from Shelby. 

“Hey, are you okay?” She asked, reassuring her with a touch to her arm. Shelby’s usual façade, once in place, never slipped. It was a perfect layer of deception, though Toni saw right past it. She peered her head past the front desk, attempting to lay eyes on the people that just walked in, but they were hidden by a group of people walking past. 

“Yeah, fine,” Shelby started. Her eyes darted to the front desk as if wary of who lay behind it. Toni offered her a comforting look, just enough to encourage Shelby to continue. “It’s just Andrew and his friends. I lied and told him I couldn’t hang out tonight, he’d probably get real mad if he saw me here.” Toni stood up for a better view. Luckily Andrew was still at the front desk paying, surrounded by his jock friends. He was probably too distracted to notice anyone else, and who was that girl by his side? 

“Is that Madison?” Toni questioned, mostly to herself, but she knew Shelby would hear it anyways. Beside her, the blonde stood up to look too. The short brunette clung to Andrew’s side like a lost puppy, looking up at him with such dreamy eyes that one would think a witch cast a spell on her. “What the hell is Andrew doing with her?” 

Across from Toni, a look of confusion spread across Shelby’s features. Shock, from seeing her boyfriend on a date with another girl, one from their old bible study group for that matter, and another emotion Toni couldn’t quite pinpoint. Was that relief? No, nobody is relived to see their boyfriend cheating on them. To be fair though, after their stolen kiss in the locker room, Shelby technically cheated too. 

Before Toni could stop her, Shelby was marching right over to Andrew, his back towards her. He was laughing with his friends, though once he turned around, his expression fell. 

“Babe-” He was caught by surprise. Still clung to his arm, Madison quickly distanced herself from Andrew, not daring to invade on another woman’s relationship. Toni stood behind Shelby now, supporting her as backup in case she needed it. 

“Andrew, we’re over,” She declared matter-of-factly. Toni was a little surprised by her straightforwardness, though very impressed. It was a major improvement from Shelby refusing to stand up to Andrew before. 

He stood there around his friends, dumbfounded. As Shelby and Toni headed for the exit, he tried to call after them, though the girls ignored him. Once outside, Shelby noticed a bench and sat down. Toni followed suite, placing a comforting hand on her knee. A moment of silence passed, then Toni opted to speak up. 

“You okay?” She asked. Her eyes met Shelby’s. The deep brown hue of them offered her all the comfort she needed in that moment. She took a breath to relax herself. 

“Is it bad that I actually feel pretty good right now?” Shelby chuckled. 

“Not at all,” Toni smiled back. “He didn’t deserve you, anyways.” For a moment Shelby appeared nearly perplexed by the statement, as if her whole life she was taught her self-worth only came from male validation. Toni looked at the blonde, taking her hand in her own to reassure her. “I mean it.” 

Shelby smiled back, sensing Toni’s sincerity, and laid her head on her shoulder. Toni felt perfectly content to stay in this moment, but the angry footsteps coming from the entrance drew her out of her gaze. From her years in foster care, she learned to be perceptive of the sounds around her, especially stomping footsteps. One too many times she heard the angry steps of foster moms that had to much to drink, or foster dads that had a long day at work storming to her room, looking for something to take their aggression out on. 

On instinct, Toni sat up straight, protectively holding onto Shelby’s hand. The girl looked at her with confusion, then tensed when she saw who walked out of the doors. 

Her overflowing confidence from the minutes prior was quickly replaced with fear, and Toni could feel Shelby brace herself beside her as Andrew marched up to them. Toni stood up, making sure there was ample distance between Shelby and her now ex-boyfriend. 

“I’m gonna need you to back the fuck off,” She warned him. It didn’t matter to her that Andrew stood half a foot taller than her, she never backed down from protecting the people she cared for. 

“Stay out of my business you dyke, I need to talk to my girlfriend.” Andrew stepped closer to Toni yet again, daring her to make the first move. She obliged, shoving him backwards, lengthening the gap between them. 

“She’s not your fucking girlfriend anymore you prick,” Toni shot back. She wasn’t sure if Andrew would go as far as to hit a woman half his size, but that question was quickly answered when he didn’t hesitate to throw the first punch, landing square in the middle of her face, bloodying her nose. 

“Toni!” Shelby exclaimed from behind her, running up to her to hold onto her arm. “Andrew what is wrong with you?” Andrew simply stood there, eyebrows furrowed. When his stare turned to Shelby, she flinched. Toni looked up from the ground between them, blood dripping from her chin to her hand. Gently shrugging Shelby’s comforting arms off of her, Toni launched her right fist towards Andrew, connecting with his chin and sending his jaw flying backwards. Before he had time to react, Toni’s left fist crashed into his nose, bloodying it like he bloodied hers. It was only rightful payback, after all. 

Shelby stood behind her in shock, and before Andrew could stand up again, Toni led the two of them back to the car. Feeling the stench of dried blood in her nostrils, Toni reached to wipe her face, but was stopped by Shelby. 

“Here, let me help,” She offered, grabbing napkins from the glove compartment. Toni wanted to make a joke that the situation felt like déjà vu, but saw it more appropriate to ask about Shelby’s feelings instead. 

“Are- are you okay?” Toni stammered. The adrenaline from being punched in the face wearing off, she suddenly remembered Shelby was there to witness the whole incident. “I didn’t scare you, did I?” Toni stared at the ground, biting her bottom lip, too afraid to meet Shelby’s gaze. She felt the blonde cup her chin with one hand, tilting her face upwards to look at her. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me, you’re the one that just got punched in the face,” Shelby comforted. Like the time before at Toni’s basketball game, she dabbed the dripping blood off her face with the napkin. 

“I know,” Toni started, looking straight into Shelby’s deep green eyes. “It’s just, I’ve hurt people before, people close to me, and…” Her thoughts trailed off and she averted her gaze from Shelby once more. She still felt the comforting contact of her warm hands on her cheeks, dabbing the blood. It grounded her- reminded her to stay in the present. 

“Toni, it’s just me. I’m okay.” Shelby sweetly tucked Toni’s stray hair behind her ears, a gesture that comforted her. She nodded, relieved that she didn’t harm yet another person she cared about. 

The drive home was quiet, both girls tired from the events of the night. With every breath Toni felt the pressure in her nose, still tender from her minor injury during the basketball game. Much to her comfort, Shelby reached out across the center console to hold Toni’s hand in her own. The small, innocent touches reassured Toni more than she knew. 

Shelby pulled up to the Blackburn’s driveway, and put her car in park. She sighed, staring down into her lap. 

“I’m sorry Toni,” She murmured, barely loud enough to be heard. 

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m fine. I was more worried about you, actually. Toni squeezed her hand tighter. When Shelby finally looked up from her lap, Toni noticed her eyes were glossy. 

“It’s just, I was scared seeing Andrew like that… That’s not the first time he’s done something like that.” Toni furrowed her brow. She wasn’t sure if Shelby was referring to Andrew starting unnecessary fights or hitting a woman. The thought of anyone laying hands on Shelby made her furious. 

“Has he done that to you?” Toni questioned, almost fearful to hear the answer. In response the blonde turned her gaze towards Toni, a single tear streaming down her cheeks. Toni cupped her face gently, wiping the tear away with care. Dropping her hand, Toni hopped out of the car and made her way to the driver’s side. 

As Soon as Shelby opened the door, Toni embraced her, holding her close to her chest, afraid to let go. In that moment, Toni wasn’t sure why she cared so much, but she felt a deep connection with Shelby, a shared understanding from their past experiences.


	8. I will, just for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, here's another update. Hope you guys enjoy :)

It all made so much sense, Shelby’s mask she wore to convince others of her perfect life was as much of an act to them as to herself. 

Toni woke up gradually, as she always did on weekdays before school. She hopped out of bed and threw on a pair of jeans and her favorite hoodie and headed to the kitchen to grab breakfast. Martha was already there, of course. She had a habit of waking up much earlier than Toni. 

“Morning,” Martha called from the table. She sat with a bowl of cereal in front of her and Toni took the box and poured herself a bowl. 

“Hey,” Toni responded. She was still groggy from her late night earlier, but still tried her best to be friendly in the morning. After pouring herself some cereal, she took a seat next to Martha at the table. 

“So what was up with Shelby last night?” Martha asked out of the blue. Toni remembered Martha was still under the impression she hated, though she probably didn’t think much of it because Toni acted like she hated everyone at school. 

“Oh, um, nothing. Why?” Toni answered, to which Martha shrugged. 

“I dunno, just wanted to make sure everything’s alright. She doesn’t seem like the type of person you’d hang out with after school.” Toni chuckled lightly to herself at Martha’s comment. 

“Yeah, I didn’t think she was either, but she’s actually not that bad.” 

At school Toni noticed Andrew sulking down the hallways, no longer accompanied by his beautiful blonde girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend now. When he passed Toni in the halls, he stared her down, though didn’t bother to initiate any contact or aggression. That was a start, Toni thought to herself. Perhaps their little mishap at the bowling alley was enough of a warning to him. She couldn’t help but notice with satisfaction the bruise forming on his face because of her. 

On her way to first period, Toni spotted Shelby by her locker. 

“Hey,” Toni called out, leaning up against the locker next to the blonde. 

“Hey to you, too,” Shelby smiled back. She pulled her algebra book and a pencil case out of her locker and neatly stowed them into her backpack 

“Glad one of us actually brings our book,” Toni chuckled. 

“What would you ever do without me around,” Shelby teased her. Toni just rolled her eyes. She peered around the hallway, seeing if anyone was listening to their conversation, then leaned closer. 

“Seriously, though, how are you doing today?” Toni’s gaze softened, her brown eyes offering nothing but kindness. Shelby breathed deeply, contemplating how to answer. 

“I feel… free, in a way. I know that probably sounds stupid, but it’s like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.” Shelby paused and looked to the ground. “I just don’t know how long it’s going to last.” 

“What do you mean?” Toni asked, puzzled. She never truly understood Shelby’s burdens and the weight of the expectations on her, but to Toni the answer was simple: to live her life the way she wants to. She just wished Shelby saw it that way. 

“I don’t know, it’s just Andrew has been texting me nonstop and now my parents are wondering what’s going on. It’s like they care more about this breakup than I do,” Shelby said, exasperated. Toni thought to herself for a moment. Maybe this was Shelby trying to live for herself, but already her parents were hindering her. That was something Toni would never understand about Dave Goodkind- his obsession with his public appearance and reputation around town. 

Toni herself couldn’t care less about what others thought of her, for God’s sake she was a lesbian in the middle of Texas, and didn’t bother to hide it, either. She still remembers the stares and whispers when she first came out back in middle school, but none of it mattered to her. As long as she lived for herself, she was happy. 

This wasn’t the case for Shelby, though. Unlike Toni, she had an image to uphold and a family to please. Her parents scrutinized her for every little detail in her life, including making sure she had the perfect Christian boyfriend. What a joke, if only they knew the real Andrew, Toni thought to herself. 

“I’m sorry they’re being like that. I wish there was more I could do to help,” Toni consoled. Shelby took her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. 

“You just being here for me is all the help I need,” Shelby smiled and the two walked to class. 

“Alright class, as you all know, midterms are next week, so I went to the trouble of making you guys a review assignment,” Mr. Wilson called out as the students walked into his classroom. He gestured to the desks, each of which already had a packet of papers sitting neatly for each student. A wave of groans swept through the classroom. 

“What the heck, this thing is like five pages long,” Toni complained whilst flipping through the papers. To her left, Shelby was pulling out her pencil case. 

“Oh come one, it’s not that bad,” Shelby responded. 

“Maybe not for you, Miss what, 4.2 GPA?” Toni teased, earning her a playful punch from the girl beside her. 

“4.3 actually.” 

“Oh right, can’t forget about that .1 now can we.” Toni glanced over to Shelby, noticing the way she smiled at her joke. It was one of the things Toni appreciated most about Shelby, her genuine smile. Not just the one she wore in public to please others, but a sign she was actually happy. 

Toni also noticed the way Shelby’s long blonde hair draped over her shoulders. As usual, it was perfectly straight with not a single strand of hair out of place. Thinking back to the night they spent together stargazing, Toni remembered how beautiful Shelby looked with her natural wavy hair, though try telling that to Dave Goodkind. Every day he forced her to straighten her hair, saying she looked more proper and kept up that way. None of it mattered to Toni, though. She thought Shelby looked beautiful either way. 

“Shut up.” Shelby rolled her eyes at Toni with faux annoyance. Mr. Wilson instructed them to continue their work in silence, so Toni sat, fiddling with her pencil and stealing glances at Shelby. She would just have to finish this review on her own time, not like she could focus much anyways with how distracted she was by the girl next to her. 

“Are you just going to sit there or are you actually going to do your work,” Shelby said. Toni noticed she had been caught staring. 

“Oh, uh… I pick the first option,” She responded with a smirk. Shelby rolled her eyes and focused back on her work. “What, you should have seen that one coming,” Toni defended. 

“Alright, fine, but you’re going to have to finish this one time or another.” 

“I’ve got time,” Toni shrugged. Shelby shot her a look that told her to get started already. “Okay fine I’ll do a couple problems.” Toni scanned through the pages, locating the easiest section of problems, and got to work. Shelby was right, Toni supposed. It wasn’t that bad. Just boring, so she opted for conversation with Shelby instead. 

“So, prom’s in a couple weeks, have you decided who you’re gonna go with?” Toni asked. 

“I’m not sure, actually. I haven’t really thought about it much since I won’t be going with Andrew.” 

“Me and Marty always go as a group, you could come with us if you want,” Toni offered. She made a mental note to ask Martha if Shelby could come, but knowing her best friend she would just be elated that Toni was open to hanging out with Shelby. She smiled at the invitation. 

“I would love to,” She beamed. “Actually, I was going to go shopping for a dress this Saturday, would you like to come with me?” Usually Toni would have said no, in fact if it was anybody else she would have said no. She hated shopping, but for Shelby, she could make an exception. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but yes, I’ll go dress shopping with you.” Shelby looked as excited as a child at Disneyland. “But don’t expect me to be any help.” 

Toni was proved wrong, once again. She was actually a great help to Shelby: picking the right color, holding the dresses as they waited for fitting rooms, and keeping her company from the next stall as she tried them on. The two spent the entire afternoon perusing around the outlet mall- Shelby basking at the outfits in the windows and Toni, albeit begrudgingly, letting her excitement show just as much as Shelby. She couldn’t even complain that they had been to three different stores in the past hour and found nothing, Toni was perfectly content spending the afternoon with Shelby. 

“Ooh, look at these ones!” Shelby basked, gesturing towards the dresses in a nearby display. Toni followed her eagerly. 

“You wanna go inside and check these ones out?” Toni asked. Shelby nodded, leading the two inside. 

After a moment of deliberation, she settled on an off the shoulder deep green dress that flowed neatly to the floor, and a strapless purple dress that glowed in the light. Handing both of them to Toni, the girls headed off to the fitting room. Toni remarked how the green of the dress would compliment Shelby’s bright eyes nicely. 

She had never been one for dresses herself, but even now Toni could admit how much fun she was having with Shelby as she listened to the way she explained all the differences in the dresses. She especially enjoyed the way her eyes sparkled each time she found one she liked. Perhaps Toni didn’t hate shopping as much as she thought she did. 

“Okay, how does this one look,” Shelby asked, strutting out of the fitting room. Toni watched from the bench as Shelby peered at her reflection in the three-way mirror. The deep purple dress shone from the bright lights of the room, illuminating every curve as Shelby spun around. Toni didn’t fail to notice the way the dress hugged her hips, accentuating her waistline. 

“Like a princess,” She joked, to which Shelby rolled her eyes, though Toni saw a smile creeping up on her lips. “Actually, you kinda look like Taylor Swift or whatever in that.” Toni recalled the mix of CDs she found stashed in Shelby’s glove compartment as they drove, of course she was a Taylor Swift fan, she thought to herself in the moment. Shelby even pointed out her favorite album, what was it called again? “You know, the one she wears in Speak Later or whatever it’s called.” 

“Speak Now,” Shelby chuckled. “And I can’t believe you were actually paying attention to that. I didn’t peg you as a Taylor Swift fan,” She teased. 

“I’m not.” Toni held up her hands in defense. “But you seemed to be excited to show me, so I paid attention I guess.” And she most definitely did pay attention, anything to listen to Shelby ramble on about her favorite things. Months ago her southern drawl annoyed the hell out of her, but now listening to Shelby speak felt dreamy, in a way. 

In the mirror, Shelby did another once-over of the dress, watching it flow behind her as she spun. Satisfied, she went into the changing room to try on the next one. 

Toni sat on the bench, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist for the next few moments. Shelby’s interest in early shopping for prom actually sparked her interest in what she was going to wear. No way in hell would she be caught dead in a dress at a school function, she told herself. Perhaps a better option would be the crisp suit she had hanging up in her closet from attending a wedding with Martha the previous summer, some distant uncle or something like that, she recalled. 

Toni heard some ruffling coming from the changing stall, and then a voice call out to her. 

“Hey Toni, will you come in here and zip me up?” Shelby asked. Toni obliged, politely waiting by the door for her to open it and let her in. Seemingly impossibly, this dress was even more beautiful than the last. It flowed to the floor with a grace and elegance belonging to a princess, and the off the shoulder straps exposed her toned shoulders and defined collarbone. Toni tried not to linger her gaze over Shelby’s exposed back as she turned around. 

Shelby turned to face her and suddenly Toni was very aware of the lack of space between them. The door already clicked shut and locked, away from the prying eyes of onlookers, however it still felt as if hundreds of people were watching them. 

Toni’s eye traced Shelby’s outline from the floor, noticing the way the green dress hugged every curve of her body. She lifted her gaze, now onto Shelby’s face. It was soft and genuine, very different from the Shelby she presented to others at school. No, this was the real Shelby, the one that opened herself up to Toni and allowed herself to be vulnerable for those very short moments, moments that Toni would hold on to forever. 

Peering up to her eyes, Toni noticed Shelby was staring down at her lips. Just a mere foot apart, the air was thick with tension and Toni could practically feel the heat radiating from the girl in front of her, daring her to make the first move. 

“You look beautiful,” Toni hesitated, afraid to say too much that would scare Shelby away. 

It didn’t, though. Instead, the blonde stepped towards her, placing a hand on her cheek, drawing her ever closer. This time, Toni didn’t hesitate to kiss her first. Their lips met softly, slowly. Toni felt her hands trailing down to Shelby’s waist against the silky dress as Shelby’s hands remained cupped around her face, holding her close. Toni kissed her deeply and eagerly, the blonde happily perceptible to her movements. 

It was unlike their last kiss, no longer rushed and hungry, rather soft and delicate. Shelby was the first to break away, resting her forehead against Toni’s and slightly breathless. Toni trailed her hands up to her own face, gently holding Shelby’s hands against her own. 

Shelby finally lifted her gaze up to Toni’s eyes. “You should probably zip me up now,” She breathed, giving Toni one last quick peck on the lips. Toni smiled and nodded.


End file.
